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Wanting to heal from traumatic past life

S3anne

S3anne

New Member
Hi, everyone. I've had several fragments of past life dreams (usually deaths), but one in particular was very detailed & spanned several dreams to tell the sad end of one life story. This end was very traumatic. It happened over 200 years ago, yet the day I died happens to be my birth date now, in this life.
It means that on my birthday (which is today), I tend to feel overwhelmed with grief, shame, & loss.
I would like to know how I can heal from it & move on. I'm afraid of experiencing it again through past life regression, since the details of my dying are still so very clear to me. And it's not so much the fear of my death that bothers me. It's the guilt of feeling responsible for all of the other men who died with me, trying to protect me & for no good reason. I was careless & a coward & I should have just turned myself in & spared them all.
I'm in regular therapy now due to ongoing depression, which I think is related to the emotions I have carried over. I'm also seeing 2 different types of energy healers & have talked to psychics (and am one myself) - looking for relief, but have yet to find anything or anyone that can help me zero in on this particular past life.
Just recently, I was doing a reading/meditation on myself about this & the message was: "FORGIVENESS OF THE SELF". I'm interested to hear what your interpretations of that might mean & how to go about it.
 
Self forgiveness can be a hard one, too much and you end up with no restraint, too little and you retreat into yourself and try to hide. It sounds that your memories are of the part of that life that is "the bad part" and I wondered what you might be fearful of in a regression session since you are already aware of that part of it.


On the bright side, it sounds as if you already know what at least one of your "tasks" are for this incarnation.


In my opinion, forgiveness for something done in the present lifetime is a matter of understanding the environment of that time and the reasons for the choices made. That usually leads to a better understanding of the basis of the motivation which can then "judged". Once judgement has been made, this leads to a better understanding of yourself and the other primary entities in that happening where un-forgiveness is felt.


When it is a carryover from another lifetime I would assume that it would be a similar process.


There is a quote attributed, perhaps falsely, to Lao Tzu that your post brought to mind "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." that seems to apply to your current position. However, I think that another one might be more appropriate - "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu
 
I have worked for some time on my guilt complexes from past lives . It was one time in history which I had a flashback to which I was mostly stuck on.. But in order to move forward it required doing further regression work into other past lives and into the bardo time Through many memories I found the thread of my feelings which has helped me to let go of the core beleifs .


The time we are killed to the time we are reborn called the bardo can also be a very important aspect of how we relate to our feelings.


Also dont forget about this life and the affects of our ancesters on our family in this life. I have been fortunate . My father was fairly open with me in my later years Having knowledge of some of those family secrets helped me even more to figure out the whys I have reacted as I do.
 
Thank you both for responding. I will take some time to think on what you've said.


I'm not afraid of my death in a past life regression - I'm afraid of experiencing or observing myself again as being responsible for the other men dying. I feel stuck on that guilt.


To sum it up, my lifetime in Oklahoma seemed a lot like the movie "Young Guns".


I rode with a group of other young men. I accidentally killed the son of an important man in town. We ran away on horseback, were hunted down, & executed by the cavalry, in a group - but one at a time. I was Number 8. They numbered us off because no one would give their names or tell that I was the one who did it. They died protecting me & I died a coward because I was the only one who cried & begged for my life.


I feel so guilty still. I feel unworthy of such loyal brothers.


It's my birthday today & I can't help but think, "What's to celebrate? I don't deserve it for what I did."


What will help me let this go?


On a positive note, I went out this morning & found a book by my favorite author & psychic, Sylvia Browne, called "Past Lives, Future Healing". I feel it is a step & a sign in the right direction.
 
The best way to make amends is to learn from your mistakes.


You are here again, which means they are/were/will be too. Think to yourself of all the people you interact with every day. Are you courageous with them? Are you learning to stand up and take responsibility when you make mistakes in daily life?


You will encounter your friends again, either here or outside of time. When you have the chance you can apologize and ask for forgiveness. You can set an intention to support and help them if you meet them in this life.


Just because you can't change the past doesn't mean you can't make it right with them next time. After all, even though they died with you ... they'll be living with you again now or later, right? Without knowing it, you may have even already started the process.


Live the best of yourself as you are, now. Then, when you meet them you will have something more to say for yourself than, "I'm sorry."


As your friends, they probably are just waiting for a chance to tell you they're more upset about you feeling miserable constantly than about dying the way you did. (I know that's what I would tell you.)


Some are probably saying, "Wouldn't you forgive me if I had hurt you the same way? Don't you think I am capable of being at least as forgiving as you are?"


Or maybe, "As my friend, I expect you to treat yourself at least as well as I would treat you if I were there to celebrate another life with you."


Maybe it's time to thank them for sticking up for you, and feel that gratitude first, above all.
 
S3anne,


You have gotten some wonderful feedback here. I think I'll put in my 2 cents as well.


First, you need to get away from the "I caused all of their deaths" in the way you are using that terminology. There seems to be some double-mindedness here, as some others have pointed out. They have passed on from that "lifetime" and are still living just as you are--you may have contributed to a change of status in terms of physical/non-physical, but nothing you did or could have done could extinguish them any more than it extinguished you. Further, it could well be that all of this was foreseen and entered into as part of the life plan and contract that you all entered into before you undertook this lifetime together. So, that should also enter into your consideration.


Second, I would ask you to carefully consider and see if there is anywhere in your life that you are not being forgiving. You don't have to respond on this one, but think about it. An inability or difficulty in exercising "forgiveness" can often be general, affecting ourselves in our approach to our own "wrongs" as much as it affects us in our approach to other people's "wrongs". You may find that you need to work on this first, and the more you are able to do it and forgive others, the more you can forgive yourself.


Third, you really SHOULD forgive yourself. You learned from the experience, which was probably part of why it happened (and possibly was "arranged" to happen) and should look back on the "you that was" with compassion and love him. He was just a kid who apparently killed someone by accident, ran, and got killed unjustifiably himself. You emphasize your cowardice, but it would get harder to stand firm as you watched each one die before you. You had your "head" worked on for a longer period and more extensively having to watch the others die before you.


The thing that impresses me is that THEY WERE WILLING TO DIE FOR YOU. That is one heck of a compliment! Nobody does that lightly. I think that kid you were had a lot more going for him than you acknowledge or they wouldn't have done that. I think he must have been worth a lot more than you seem to think at this point. Give him a chance and give yourself a chance. That was a different time and a different identity. The good thing is that we get second chances, and third chances, and . . . . so on ad infinitum. This is good, as we all constantly screw things up. Don't forget the lessons learned, but concentrate on making the best of the one you're living now.


Cordially,


S&S
 
I think SeaAndSky has put everything I wanted to say so brilliantly that I'd have a hard time adding anything!


The way I deal with past life trauma is to try and separate those lives from my current one, to see them as different people who are part of my whole, if that makes sense. I'm not the same person from my last life, just as I'm not the child I was as a five year old. If I can think "that's Clara's grief, not mine" or "that's Jean-Francis' shame, not mine" then I find it helps to distance me slightly and helps me process and deal with those feelings to a small degree. They're still very present, but slowly I find they're not exerting such a pressure on my current life.


Having said this, I do know how you feel to a certain extent! I've seen flashes from a life in the 1500s, when I was a French soldier. Our camp was about to be attacked and my commanding officer sent me off on horseback with a message to deliver. I felt I was being spared due to my social status and that to ride off was cowardly, but it was a direct order that I had to obey. The first time I told someone about this in my current life I thought I was actually going to be sick. I've never felt such shame. Absolutely like someone had punched me in the stomach. I'm feeling it now as I write this! So, you aren't alone, take heart from that, even if we're both suffering! hug2.gif
 
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