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When can I be over?

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priss

New Member
Logan was about 2 when he and I were in an argument, when I said "Logan you are too little to have this much anger in you, and he said "but I was big, when I drove my race car and then it crashed and it made big fire and I was over, then I started again and I was your baby. That was it just sometimes out of the blue he would ask me "mom when are we going to be over, so I can be a baby again?" I told him I did not know and I hoped it would not be for a long time, because I wanted to be with him for as long as possible. He said but I could be your baby again, I told him we did not know for sure, and he said oh.
Logan, 4 now drew a picture, to me it looks like death (or what is portrayed to be death), it is not identical but first thing that came to my mind when I saw it. I asked him what it was and he said, "Hum a man woman that comes to your house when you be over. (He could have gotten this from TV, but not sure)
A few nights later he says God comes to your house to when you be over. Then it was, when can we be over? I again told him not for a long time. I was telling him about when he was a baby and how I used to hold him etc. And he asked me to tell him about when he was big, I told him I did not know about that but could he tell me, and he said I can't remember.
Logan has a mole on his right foot; he asked me today (9/4/00) what it was. I replied it is a mole, and a birthmark. He said that's what makes me fight, that spot on my foot makes me mean. He does have a bad temper. I have often thought of him as having a double personality because he is the sweetest boy one minute and just in rage the next.
Or I have referred to him as an extremist he is extremely nice or extremely mean.
He is very argumentive about everything!
I was wondering if this could be a past life and could it have anything to do with his temper and how I could help?
A friend of mine who does not believe in past lifes says it sounds like God is working through Logan to get to me, to give me answers to questions like, is there a God.
 
I would suspect the picture of "death" may be something picked up from TV or a book or magazine. The reason is that it is not consistent with what is reported by near death experiencers, or reports made by others who, having recalled past lives, sometimes recall the "intermission" between lives. The beings that visit at death, so say those who've been there, are "angels" or "beings of light"

As for crashing his race car, that might very well be a past life experience. Several researchers have reported physical birthmarks or "scars" related to a previous life, and others have reported "psychological" scars as well. When I was very young I, too, ran hot and cold, often blowing up for no apparent reason. I also, so my mother tells me, talked of being big before, and spoke French when I was a toddler. But later, the memories faded and I mellowed out. Perhaps he is carrying some anger over from some major past life incident. My guess is that as these memories fade, and they almost always do, he will mellow out too.
 
As I flip through this site, I am surprised by the number of strange similarities. I was a skeptic, but am becoming convinced that my daughter has lived past lives. I had to write, since she also has a mole on her right foot. Hers is quite prominent on the outside side, under the ankle. Is this similar to your son's?
 
Welcome Priss,

The mole on your son's foot might very well be where your son was hurt in a past life, from which he still carries much anger. I would ask him at some point, "Why do you say it makes you mad?" or something to that effect.
I would try to find out the source of his anger. I had a student in my class a few years ago who has a similar description to your son: sweet, wonderful boy one minute, then "in a rage" the next. He, too, could be "extremely nice" or "extremely mean." This boy physically threatened or actually hurt some of his classmates, and the other children's time for learning was greatly diminished because I had to be dealing so often with this particular student.
I have seen some reports on tv about children like this. Some were described as "bipolar," but some children failed to receive a proper reason for their behavior. And, *no medication* worked. This, in addition to numerous doctors failing to diagnose these children led me to think their rages were past-life related.
My thoughts go with you and I hope you get a solution to his rage before he gets much older.

Peace,
DJ

[This message has been edited by DJ (edited 09-05-2000).]
 
Frequent and extreme mood changes, as DJ points out, can get in the way of a child's ability to learn and to function socially with other children.

At the very least, I would consult a pediatrician about the mood swings. Although it might be psycological (past life or otherwise), it tends to have a physical or behavioral cause in most children as young as your son.

As a rule, it isn't a good idea to argue with a child. It is the parent's job to set the limits firmly. I took a parenting class when my son was three years old because he had begun arguing with me when I no. Like a fool, I argued back, like I WAS A CHILD or HE WAS ALSO AN ADULT. Big mistake, it just keeps getting worse and worse. He had no respect for me as a parent. It might be the reason why his arguementative behavior is escalating.

That is where the class was so helpful. I was able to learn how to deal well with his outbursts and it really calmed him down. Kids really NEED limits. As adults, by setting limits and sticking firmly to them, our children feel protected and secure. How can a child feel secure if you and he are both on the same level?

I would talk to the pediatrician or family physician about both issues. I would call the local school district about parenting classes (these are usually free) if the pediatrician doesn't know or check at the local women's of family clinic. Even small towns offer these. I lived in one. I do now.
I would everything I possibly could to give my child the best possible future I could.

Best Wishes to You, Kat
 
Kat,

Good for you for taking that parenting class!
I have been appalled when I have instructed certain students to do something and they argue with me. I end up saying something in return, they argue back, and it goes on and on. I finally learned to say "End of discussion," and turn my attention to something else. If they wish to go on arguing with me when I'm not directing my attention to them, c'est la vie.
Something else I've noticed...which may or may not be on the same wavelength...I stayed with a pregnant friend of mine for a few days ; she has an almost 2-year-old. *He* was in control of us. He has the complete run of the house, which means if he runs off, we had to go off after him (he throws things). Which meant, for eg, when she was taking a nap, I had to entertain him in the den to make sure he stayed in the den and didn't bother her. When I was on the phone in the kitchen for 3min, he ended up drawing on the walls in the den. When I asked her why he didn't have a playpen, she told me that any physician nowadays says playpens are just a jail to keep them in so they don't run around. I was thinking, Exactly.
It got me thinking......this full freedom in the house could help explain why when I get my students, some of them don't listen; they simply walk away, and somehow maintain the inability to remain in their seat and focus their attention.

Ah me.
DJ
 
WOW what responses!
OK I am going to try and answer each question and comment on coments.
To the user New, my sons mole is on the inside on his heel.
To DJ, I would not put my son on medications that's not an option, but I have wondered what the diet is for ADD. He has not been diagnost with this but a diet would not hurt. He can consintrate on the things he wants or likes but if he is not interested it takes me alot to get him interested. He listens realy good with other people, I think he will do good in school. I have thought about preK to see how he does and if I need to work on anything befor he gets into Kindergarten.
To Kateet, When I say argument I mean him not wanting to do what I say but, he does not get away with doing what he wants. I tell him what to do and if he continues to but mom or what not I tell him Logan you heard what I said end of discussion. If he then continues and is to outraged to talk to I make him go to timeout until he is ready to discuss the issue in our "normal voice". It is just the fact that before I can say no Logan not right now, he hears no and starts in with outrage. I have not taken any classes but I have got the parent magazine for the last 5 years, and I have read several other books,magazines, and forum messges. My daughter is 5 and she has no problems at all, well except the normal "huh mom" here and there.
I have talked to the pediatrician, he says he is a normal boy, testing his mom. My children do have limits and knowing he is not going to get what he wants he still tries, I often ask him, was all that fuss worth it, you still did not get it, it did you absolutely no good, so why not next time when Mommy says no you say ok mom and leave it at that. My son did too colored on the walls when he was littler, I handed him the spray bottle and a rag and sat there and whatched him clean it. Then he did not get to use the colors for a few days, and when he did get them back I asked him befor I gave them to him if he remembered why they were taken away in the first place, and for it not to happen again.
Ok well I think I got everyones questions etc.
TTFN
(TaTaForNow)
 
Hello Priss,

As some of the wonderful people on this forum already know, I have a son named Nicholos who was just diagnosed with ADHD. And he has his own special way of spicing things up around our house. It certainly makes life more of a challenge but it would be boring without him! As I am sure it would be in your house. Logan sounds like a delightful little guy who is full of fire! I love the fact that he is so sure of his past life memories! Good for him! And good for you for not discouraging him for his insights! He seems quite intelligent for a little guy! He is going to be quite the character when he grows up! It seems like you are doing a great job with him.

Regarding the temper and ADD:
I am not putting my Nicholos on medication. It is also NOT an option in my house but the whole ADHD thing has sent me out looking for alternative behavior modifications as well as dietary modifications. I am having difficulty with the dieatry modifications since Nicholos happens to like the things that ARE good for him but he especially likes the things that AREN'T good for him. He would take eating to extreme if I let him. He takes everything to extreme and so he also has bouts of explosive energy. But I have found something that seems to be working! And I do not know why I hadn't thought of it before! I started using it when Nicholos would get frustrated over school work. One day I thought that I would sit him down right next to me and make him BREATHE his way through his frustrations just like meditating. (Hey, I thought, "why not - works for me!") I STOPPED what we were doing and went to a different room. We sat down facing each other. Then I said to him, "Now, Nicholos you know that there is a better way. If we relax together you will be able to think about what you are doing and understand clearly how you need to act." Then I faced him and told him to breathe in. I counted to 4. Then I told him to breathe out and counted to 8. At first he thought I was crazy but I made him sit there until he did it properly and I made light of the whole thing like I was doing it to calm myself down too (which I was). We did it several times and I noticed he had calmed down considerably. Now I do it, especially with his schoolwork. He frustrates easily with work. I give him breaks and we do our breathing. But it works in angry situations as well. If he doesn't want to do it, I tell him that I will sit there with him until he is willing to breathe with me. Now he just does it, partly because he knows it works. Nicholos is eight years old so it may not work with Logan yet but you could try.

I have found a few web-sites. I will have to go through them. I have bookmarked a whole bunch of them but only a small handfull were useful. Many of the sites pertained to medication use and, like you, we will not do that. If I find anything interesting I will let you know. Good luck with your little spitfire. He sounds wonderful.

Love and light,
Shari
 
Priss,

Food allergies can cause adverse behavior. Wheat, red dye, sugar, etc have been known to cause rages, temper tantrums, etc.

Peace,
DJ
 
Priss, I agree with you that a properly maintained diet just might do the trick. I have many allergies, and some of them (ie: chocolate) set off mood swings. Nuts set of excema, and so on and so forth. I know that my brother had severe ear aches, and the cause was the nuts. Milk might also be an allergy that your son is exposed to. I suggest that you see an allergist before you put your son on any medication. As for being an "emotionally involved child", ...been there, done that, wore the torn and tattered t-shirt. My advice to you, be the parent and set the ground rules. Let them know who's boss, and don't bother arguing (even though it's difficult not to do). It's not worth the hassle. Take Care, best of luck and wishes always, -rinkrat.
 
I also reccomend the book "Indigo Children" (not sure of the author's name) and "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. IC will help you understand your children, CP will help you maintain your sanity Take Care, Love Always, -rinkrat.
 
Dear Priss,

You said 'argument', I took you at your word. I could have read magazine articles and I have but the class taught me far more than my subscription to Parents magazine about children's behavior.

I agree about the diet. Its a sure bet you'll read recommendations to take as much sugar out the child's diet as possible and my friends say it is better to change the entire family's diet rather than just one child. Preservatives can also cause behavioral problems, according to some parents, but our pediatrician said:
1)There are tests for sensitivity to preservatives which we should keep to a minimum for everyone anyway and most do.
2)Preservative allergies are most likely to cause nausea, indigestion, headaches, and even stuffy nose and asthma attacks than behavior problems although low level discomfort can affect behavior.

I have four sons plus a huge assorted of their friends through the years. My youngest son is 15 years old. After working as a journalist for alittle over a decade, I taught school which requires us to learn about behavior and discipline in a more formal setting and on then on the job.
It's no picnic but I learned a thing or two along the way.

I'm very glad you aren't giving up. It is tragic how many parents do. Teachers hear it from parents frequently. "Oh, he was such a handful when he was little, I just gave up."
To me, that was like saying "I stopped loving him." It is clear you love your son fiercely and loving him is the most important gift you can give to him.

Take Care, Kat
 
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