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Suggestions please... 4year old terrified of fire

J

JulieZ

******
Hello everyone,

My son is going to be 4 in a month. He's pretty much always been afraid of the fireworks on the 4th of july, but this year his fear has escaleted to anything with fire.

He literally puts his hands over his ears and screams like he is in pain. He goes into hysterics...

Examples: Lighting a tiki light at night outside. Turning on the gas stove before a pot is ontop. Turning on the fire place. Lighting candles. Seeing people use a lighter to light their cigarettes ( not me, I don't smoke).

I have no doubt that he is dealing with past life trauma. However, I am uncertain on how to relieve his fear. I try to reassure him, but he wants nothing to do with anyone when this happens. He pushes me away and runs. He runs for under his bed. He really gets hysterical. This has always happened on the 4th, but now it is escalating.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Julie
 
Hi Julie,

I am assuming you have read Carol's first book? Chapter one starts with her sons memories of war -- and his fear of fireworks on the 4th of July. If you have - then I won't get into the details.

It sounds like a very deep seeded fear, -- has he given you any clues -- words that may help you discern what type of fire has caused the trauma for him? For example, does he say "when the house burned down" or perhaps.."When the airplane went over" or "I shouldn't have played with the fire."

Keep a note book..look for consistencies. I am thinking..mmmmmm
 
Julie,
My daughter is 12 now, but when she was just old enough to talk she started having an extreme fear of fire. Constant nightmares about fire and just like your little boy anthing that had any flame would set her off into a crying fit. I've always assumed it was from her past life. Now that the years have past and the fear has subsided and she seems to be just a normal child. All I can say is hang in there and give constant reassurance.
Kelly
 
Hi Deborah and Kelly,

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I have read Carol's book. I think perhaps, I should read it again though. That could never hurt. :) So far, he has given no clues as to why this is happening. I have tried asking him about after he calms down, but he acts like it never happened. I have tried having his 5 year old sister chat with him about it, but again, he just wants to play with his trains. :) Hopefully, it will run it course, and until then I will do my best to reassure him he is safe.

Take care,
Julie
 
For something this traumatic, have you considered having your son regressed? Then your reassurances might actually reassure him, that whatever this trauma was, it's over & done with. What a good mama you are to recognize this and try to deal with it! :)
 
The most amazing development has occurred and I think my husband might be on to something.

Yesterday morning, my son was writing his ABC's down on paper. When he got to the letter K, he stopped and wrote over and over again (repeated too) KKK KKK KKK etc...

WOW! My husband made the comment very casully that maybe he was in the KKK in a previous life, or harrassed by them. This could explain the fear of tiki lights and lighters(perhaps resembling torches).

Oh well, I thought it had possibilities. I will keep my eye on him and try to get him to open up.

I have no clue where to start with a child regressionist.

Thanks again!
Julie
 
Julie,
The "KKK" incident is interesting. It might be a clue. Keep observing.

In the meantime, here's something to try that's been effective with other children who have had phobias. After your son falls asleep, sit by his bed and talk to him, as if you are talking directly to his ageless soul consciousness. Acknowledge that something terrible happened in his previous life with fire (you can get more specific if you want) and that he is now safe in a different life, in a new body. Try this every night for a week or so. It might help. Or, it might open up his unconscious enough for more memory to emerge, giving you something more specific to go on.

Chances are that he'll grow out of his fear. But it would be better to address it now and get to the cause of it.

Re-read CHILDREN'S PAST LIVES. It may give you some more insight into how to talk to him. Acknowledgment is important and can be done in a calm way, without engaging in his fear.

Keep us posted.

------------------
Carol Bowman
http://www.childpastlives.org
 
Hi there
I once had a neighbor whose child was terrified of fire. One day while the child and his grandfather were out for a drive the child (he was about six at the time) became hysterical and insisted that grampa pull over. He kept saying that the car was on fire. Grampa pulled over and took the boy out of the car. As he was reassuring him that there was no worry the engine began to smoke and before he could open the hood, it exploded into flames.
The boy was obviously thrilled to have his fears vindicated, and felt, rightly so, that he had saved both of their lives. Since that day his fear of fire has not been evident.
Just a story of a different kind that puts a different perspective on reasons for kids fears. Was it past life fear or knowledge of the future?
BJM
 
Hi BJM,
You make a good point. I had never thought he may be reacting about a "future" event. My daughter does that all the time. The day before I received a "surprise" phone call offering me a job and home to relocate to, she was walking around the kitchen with post-its and placeing them on everything. When I asked her what she was doing she politey told me that the movers were going to need to know where to put our stuff. I said, "but we aren't moving." She just smiled at me and kept posting. LOL

In my son's case, I took Carol's advice above and spoke to him while he was sleeping. I think it is working. He know longer gets upset when I turn on the stove or light a candle. However, he still doesn't like the tiki torches or sparklers. We have some left over sparklers from the 4th and my daughter found the box and pulled them out asking me if we could light them and he got very upset with her. So, I got rid of them. Therefore, my gut feeling is past life related.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Take care,
Julie
 
I would take it very seriously. Be sure that you are most careful when it comes to any fire that you have in your house. It could very well be an insight to a future happening.
The way I would try to stop his fear would be to make a game out of it. Buy a water gun and light a candle and you put it out and act as if you are having a lot of fun by laughing. Then ask him if he wants to try. Maybe showing him that *he* can control or put out a fire may help his fears. Of course your smoking friends may get a little upset when he soaks their smokes! :)
 
Interesting.

Julie, when your son was writing "kkk kkk kkk", was he doing them in groups of three or was it more like "kkkkkkkkkkkkkk"?
 
Thank you all again for your suggestions!
I am sorry I havne't respondes. My computer was down from a virus for awhile and it is now fixed.

Peter,
Yes, he was writing it down in groups of "3" and speaking it in groups of "3" as well. Although he hasn't had any incidents in the past month. Which I am grateful for. I really think speaking to him while he is sleeping has helped in alot.

Take care,
Julie
 
I have no clue if this is related or not, but Ian said to me today, "Mommy, what happened to you? You're white!!!"

Struck me as kinda funny at the time, but now that I think on it, maybe it is related.

Take care,
Julie
 
i would like to share two experiences i made myself.

First - when i was a kid from 4 to 14 years old, i used to have the same two nightmares over and over again. First i am on a river - floating down on cut trees which are kept together with thick ropes. There is also a house on this "boat" - it is night and the river is on fire.

i have no idea why this fire happend
the second one was about flying in a small plane over a burning city. the plane was
on fire as well - i always woke up terrified and i never found out how the stories ended. i do not have troubles with fire - i love to play with fire and learnt to spit fire many years ago.

So it was very surprising for me when i got pregnant that i became more and more worried about fire. I was thinking about how to prevent the baby to be left alone in the apartment sleeping when i carry down the bin.

When my son was born he cried a lot between 5-8 hours a day mostly in the evening. I had the very strong impression that he was afraid of something and was crying because of fear. Then i removed a beautiful violet sari from the wall - i still don't know why i did remove it. And this evening my baby did not cry.

In the night i had a dream - it was more like looking at a picture - a young woman dressed in a sari almost like the mine burning alive in a big fire and a lot of people were watching the scene. I woke up in the middle of the night. The little one next to my was awake as well and he looked at me very serious and i was sure that he showed me why he was so much afraid.

After that i started talking with him and explained him that he has a new body and he
is living in a other country and that i will make sure that he is safe in his body ect. and after 2 weeks he did not cry that much any longer.

When he started speaking - one day i was going trough the cloths in the cellar he saw all my saris and other clothing i brougt from india - he looked at me and said "my other mother has the same beautiful clothes as you have".

Today he is 3 years old - he hates to hear fireworks exploding but he loves all kind
of fire - candles ect. but his first word was "hot" and he deals very carefull with
lighters.

lots of light
Marisa
 
Thank you for sharing your stories Marisa! :D I really appreciate it.

Ian woke up this morning, looked at me, made a face and said, "Mommy, I DON'T LIKE FIRE." Then he just went on about wanting a waffle for breakfast.

Children are amazing!

Julie
 
I wonder how things are going now? Seems there are a lot of stories on this board about children expressing surprise that Mom is white. It is very intriguing.

I hope he is feeling safer, and perhaps someday he will be able to tell more? Or maybe it is best forgotten? How can one forget but to talk about it and grieve? Not sure.

Marg

------------------
Motherhood is living in a state of perpetual exhaustion and bliss. And knowing your work is never ever ever ever done. LOL!
 
When I was young...I had the exact same fear that started when I was about 5 and lasted until I was about 10 or 11. I have another thread talking about this:

http://www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/little-quirks.686/

I remember once my sister had to take me outside....lit a match, and placed the lighted match on the street, to show me that a fire was not going to get me. She did the same thing in the bathtub..both of those methods helped provide alot of comfort. We also practiced "fire drills," which I hated by the way...lol

What really helped release my fear though, was a dream that I had about how I was a little girl watching her house burning in the woods. I think your son will overcome this fear, just may take some time and patience. Comfort him the best you can, and make sure that he knows that he is safe, especially on that subconcsious/spiritual level...and speaking to him while he's sleeping is probably the best way you can do to let him know this.

Keep us posted!
 
Gosh, I was so surprised to see this post up top. :)

Ian is going to 8 years old in October! My, where does the time go?

I have had a rather amazing experience with him in a meditation. He remembered that 'the fire killed me.'

From my journal:

June 27, 2004

Last night my little Ian asked me if he could sleep in my room because the "monsters" were in his room. Sure - but first lets lysol the monsters.

Anyway, he is sleeping in my bed and I go to lay down. I was laying down about 5 mintues with my eyes closed. All of a sudden I was vibrating. My arms, my legs, my body was vibrating and I heard loud buzzing. I was paralyzed... yet fully aware!

I could hear lots of voices - like being at a rally. Yet, the one voice that stood out the most to me was Ian's.

He was saying in his little boys voice (it was a narrative over the rally voices) - "Malcolm X was my hero...I used to be black...The fire killed me..."

The rest is so unclear to me. I was a bit scared because of the paralysis even though I knew I shouldn't have been.

After about 5 minutes the vibration stopped. Ian was just sleeping like a baby.

In the morning I asked him, "Hey, whose Malcolm X?" He looked at me strange like - like who the heck is is he? - Then he said, "Not me."

After about 15 minuties he came back and scolded me and said, "I told you before - I don't like fire Mom."

Then he was Ian again. Off in his own little world of being a little boy.
Click to expand...

That has been the end to that! I was more freaked out by the experience than he was. However, it is done with... He doesn't bring it up, so I leave it be. :)

He is a very enthusiatic young man about everything he does. He is never bored that's for sure! His enthusiasim is quite contagious among his peers. :)

He loves baseball and just enjoyed his first season in Little League.

This past 4th of July - you could see the apprehension in his face. However, he wanted to be part of the festivities this year. He wanted to hold the sparklers and swirl them around with wonder in his eyes.

He still doesn't like the big booms, but hey neither do I.

Ian, my daughter Paige and I - we all share dreams now. We plan each night what we are going to dream about and report our feedback the next day. Even if it is: "I don't remember."

We do have some pretty awesome results though. :)

Lots of love,
Julie
 
i was afraid of fire for a long time but it escalated at the age of 9-10 so badly that i'd stay up at night, think about an escape root from my house, and have a bag packed. then, one day it just went away. if it gets too bad, take him for a regression. But most of the time, if you let it work its self out, it will pass.
 
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