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Setting intentions deals in this life for the next one ;)

T

TheGlow

New Member
Am I the only one to try this? lol
This life has been one of learning tons of compassion even for those who hurt me. Managing to love those to whom I have no "like", connection or common ground.

I know these are great lessons but it's come with incredible pain. I am already trying to negotiate deals with one or two people to do things different with them next time, to make different choices next time for my life.

Curious if anyone thinks these can stick till it's time to negotiate our next lives, or am I going to forget all the stuff I want to do different? Btw not talking about material things but connections and relationships unexplored. I'm not a "family" person in this life because I had a very abusive past. I really want that in my next life, and a few other things I see the beauty in but can't swing this time.
 
Speaking really generally, I think our intentions are a lot stronger and can count for a lot more than we generally realize.


The 'lessons' we learn along the way of our lives aren't always good lessons, or lessons that we decide we need to keep. Personally I think that a lot of the reasons why we are the way we are depends on choices we made in the past, or 'lessons we learned', if some prefer to think of it that way.


One of the first active steps in bringing about a change is deciding you're gonna do it, and I think that it's a darn good choice. I know that I've done similarly, not just choices for next life but also working to reverse choices I've made in the past. All in all, I think focusing your intention and trusting your own power to perceive and change is an action and a mindset that does pay off in the future.


I understand that it can be really tough to feel genuine compassion for certain people, especially with that background of abuse. Abuse teaches nasty lessons of its own, doesn't it? Power to you for seeing out of that box!

This life has been one of learning tons of compassion even for those who hurt me. Managing to love those to whom I have no "like", connection or common ground.
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People with this mindset are rather rare to find, and personally, it's something I admire tremendously. It isn't always easy, but I tend to think the really worthwhile things take time and effort. :thumbsup:
 
TheGlow said:
I'm not a "family" person in this life because I had a very abusive past. I really want that in my next life, and a few other things I see the beauty in but can't swing this time.
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There's no reason to believe that you can't have what you wish for, even if it takes a while. Keep wishing, but also start acting. What is blocking you? Do you know what your barriers are? It's useful to read books that might help you understand things better. It's also an excellent idea to see a life coach or counselor or someone wise who might be able to advise you where you might be blocking yourself from your heart's desire. There are always new things to learn and new ideas to explore.


But, certainly take comfort in the idea that there is plenty of time. You have all eternity to spend as you see fit. That's life! So the only thing you 'must' do, is spend it the way that gives you the most joy. The good news is, this will usually involve giving joy to others. So, that's always a good place to start and no reason to wait before you begin. :)
 
Spatz said:
Speaking really generally, I think our intentions are a lot stronger and can count for a lot more than we generally realize.
The 'lessons' we learn along the way of our lives aren't always good lessons, or lessons that we decide we need to keep. Personally I think that a lot of the reasons why we are the way we are depends on choices we made in the past, or 'lessons we learned', if some prefer to think of it that way.
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Spatz could you elaborate here?


I'm trying to fully follow your thought and apply it but am not sure I'm getting it. :)

Spatz said:
One of the first active steps in bringing about a change is deciding you're gonna do it, and I think that it's a darn good choice. I know that I've done similarly, not just choices for next life but also working to reverse choices I've made in the past. All in all, I think focusing your intention and trusting your own power to perceive and change is an action and a mindset that does pay off in the future.
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My choices that haunt me for this life cannot responsibly be reversed. The family thing. I'm 37. I was so shattered as a kid and didn't really get to a place where I could understand the beauty of having a family. Mine just caused me pain(abuse of all manner) so I never understood why I would want more family.


I see the beauty I passed on in this life when I look at other peoples nuclear family. I never had that growing up and now I won't have it as an adult either. It would be irresponsible to do that now I would have to give up the very way I would support a child to have one. I just hope my soul will remember how much I would like that in my next life. Or maybe I will be a step grandma one day in my golden years. That would mean losing my husband who is the only family I have ever had so not really a trade I'm looking to make. :) . Next life I really really want to be born into a loving family then have my own. :)

Spatz said:
I understand that it can be really tough to feel genuine compassion for certain people, especially with that background of abuse. Abuse teaches nasty lessons of its own, doesn't it? Power to you for seeing out of that box!


People with this mindset are rather rare to find, and personally, it's something I admire tremendously. It isn't always easy, but I tend to think the really worthwhile things take time and effort. :thumbsup:
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thanks you. When you get broken enough you either open wide up or close off completely. Not sure why I did the former but I did.
Only one tiny block towards one person but seeing as I hadn't noticed it was there till a few days ago I should have that sorted soon. I sincerely appreciate the reply. Going to work hard on forgiving her through compassion so I don't have to do this lesson over again. :)
 
tanguerra said:
There's no reason to believe that you can't have what you wish for, even if it takes a while. Keep wishing, but also start acting. What is blocking you? Do you know what your barriers are? It's useful to read books that might help you understand things better. It's also an excellent idea to see a life coach or counselor or someone wise who might be able to advise you where you might be blocking yourself from your heart's desire. There are always new things to learn and new ideas to explore.
But, certainly take comfort in the idea that there is plenty of time. You have all eternity to spend as you see fit. That's life! So the only thing you 'must' do, is spend it the way that gives you the most joy. The good news is, this will usually involve giving joy to others. So, that's always a good place to start and no reason to wait before you begin. :)
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Ah it's a family issue. I've gotten through a lot of my pre adult trauma but what remains still limits me through anxiety PTSD, and it effected the education I got and work history.


I built a business that can support me and work around the life challenges but unfortunately it isn't conducive to motherhood. At 37 I don't have the time to start over, and I won't have a child that I can't provide for with a safety net. I love even unborn humans enough not to put them at risk.


Thanks for the "I have all eternity..." Comment it does help
 
Sorry to hear about all that TheGlow. That's certainly very tough! However, there is more than one way to have a family. Perhaps, for instance, you might consider being a part time foster parent or similar? There are always kids in need of a bit of help.


I don't know about where you are from, but in my country, they are always looking for people who can look after kids in crisis, even for a short while, like a few weeks. Might be something to think about? It's tough, but perhaps with your background, you might actually be ideally suited? Especially if you have flexible hours. Maybe try googling it?


If you can't have what you want, you can always lend someone else a helping hand. You'd be surprised how rewarding that sort of thing can be. There's always a chance that good karma will come right back at you, eh?


Best wishes to you.
 
TheGlow said:
I just have to find joy now. I built a second family over a period of 17 years after not having a real mother father sister brother of my own. I got dumped by them two years ago because I was no longer financially beneficial to them and that stole the last of my joy. I am reorienting and trying to find which way is up at the moment. :)


Thanks for the "I have all eternity..." Comment it does help
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I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with all of this, TheGlow. I guess all you can hope for is growth from it all. But that doesn't mean it isn't painful.


People have many different agendas and often we don't see the agendas of others until we're totally invested in them. And if your compassion for these people can survive that, then you're really a strong person.


Best of everything on your path, and please let me know how it all goes.
 
Hi TheGlow,


I posted this a few years ago for someone else who was working through abusive relationships. I thought perhaps you might find it helpful.

First -please do not assume based on karma that you deserve to be in an abusive relationship.
My Mom did a lot of regression work with people back in the early 1990's. It was her way of sharing her gift of inner vision with others and helping them through traumatic past life memories. One of the things she did, was when she would come across an individual who was having clear memories of a past life, that included another person who was repeatedly abusive, hurtful, or manipulating -- was she helped the person to reverse the magnetic poles between themselves and the hurtful individual that repeated the offensive behavior.


For example, one woman who she worked with --whose father and brother had raped her repeatedly in this life since age two -- appeared (in several sessions with my mother) over and over again in several life times where she was again raped, and abused by these same two men.


Different time periods, different scenarios. This woman was very obese, very depressed, owned nothing personally and was in her 40's. She had come to think that with all of her research regarding Karma - that her karma must be to endure this from them -- that she must have done something terrible to them.


My mother helped her to see that she had not brought this upon herself, she was not responsible for their choices -- only hers. During her last session ..Mom had her visualize her father first....and to feel the energy pull between them, to actually see him standing in front of her; then she had her visualize reversing that energy, as if the other person was upside down and opposite of her-thereby reversing the magnet pull or releasing the bond between them. Then she did the same with the brother.


After doing this she reinforced the fact that she had choices, that she was not responsible for her father or brother, nor had she done anything wrong in any of her past lives to deserve to be raped and abused repeatedly. She helped her see that it was their choice to engage in the abuse....not hers.(Mom could of course see her past lives with her.)


The woman came out of trance state, fully energized, happy, released from the negativity, the anger, and the shame. Last my Mom heard -- she lost 100 pounds, bought a condominium, was going to school and was very happy.


As the Tibetan Buddhists suggest, -- the soul will be drawn, as a magnet, into whatever womb resonates with all its past experiences -- if a soul is not aware.
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Take care -
 
Hmm, trying to follow my own pattern of thought when I was posting this and reading back I can see how you got confused. My bad cover face


What I was meaning to convey when I talked about 'lessons that are harmful' or 'lessons we decide not to keep' is something I should have tied in to the affects of traumatic experience, as in abuse.


Fear, as the sort which affects one when one has been hurt or damaged by something, is an example of something which does occur in people. A 'lesson', in the proper sense of the word, maybe not. But I liken it a bit to a child who puts his hands up on the stove while his mother looks away, he touches the element and is burnt. From then on, he's afraid of the stove. Afraid of ovens, afraid of cooking, because he has been burnt. The stove 'taught him a lesson', see? But is that really a good lesson to be taught, 'Be afraid of stoves'? Maybe not. Why exactly the mind or brain or whatever does this is sort of beyond me but it seems to happen. Saying PTSD is a 'lesson' of course sounds stupid (since it isn't anything anyone deserves or anything we should experience) but it's my attempt here at analogy! The things that life 'teaches' us aren't always helpful- things like fear, avoidance, anxiety...


Seems like we all have to recover from some painful little lessons, whatever they are and however they vary in nature and in severity.


If you don't intend to have a family due to circumstance, that's totally your choice and in your situation of course can be sensible. If it's not the time to change the actual 'having a family' bit, is the mental and spiritual side of it the thing you're intending to bring about change in? As in, perhaps not actually having children, but at least being in a place where mentally you could accept the idea of and welcome a loving family if your circumstances would allow- even if in the next life?


Anyways, I remain of the thought that what you're doing is quite brave. There's been plenty of quotes in here but what you said there about forgiving her with compassion reminds me of that little poem attributing to Mother Teresa about 'Loving Anyway' ;)


Best of luck.
 
Thanks very much Spatz,


You are quite right fear is a hard lesson I hope to unlearn. :)


I was at one point afraid of everything. Little by little I cross my own comfort zones of fear. Too bad there is so many of them lol


As to what you were saying about getting to a place where I could welcome a family if my circumstances changed. I think that is a good direction to take. I am going to invest some energy into getting past some blocks that likely made having family look so terrifying. Hopefully they will stick and I can have that next time through. Or maybe there is a twist in store for me yet.


Reading your replies sometimes feels like you've been in my head lol do I know you? Thanks for your guidance and compassion.

Spatz said:
Hmm, trying to follow my own pattern of thought when I was posting this and reading back I can see how you got confused. My bad cover face
What I was meaning to convey when I talked about 'lessons that are harmful' or 'lessons we decide not to keep' is something I should have tied in to the affects of traumatic experience, as in abuse.


Fear, as the sort which affects one when one has been hurt or damaged by something, is an example of something which does occur in people. A 'lesson', in the proper sense of the word, maybe not. But I liken it a bit to a child who puts his hands up on the stove while his mother looks away, he touches the element and is burnt. From then on, he's afraid of the stove. Afraid of ovens, afraid of cooking, because he has been burnt. The stove 'taught him a lesson', see? But is that really a good lesson to be taught, 'Be afraid of stoves'? Maybe not. Why exactly the mind or brain or whatever does this is sort of beyond me but it seems to happen. Saying PTSD is a 'lesson' of course sounds stupid (since it isn't anything anyone deserves or anything we should experience) but it's my attempt here at analogy! The things that life 'teaches' us aren't always helpful- things like fear, avoidance, anxiety...


Seems like we all have to recover from some painful little lessons, whatever they are and however they vary in nature and in severity.


If you don't intend to have a family due to circumstance, that's totally your choice and in your situation of course can be sensible. If it's not the time to change the actual 'having a family' bit, is the mental and spiritual side of it the thing you're intending to bring about change in? As in, perhaps not actually having children, but at least being in a place where mentally you could accept the idea of and welcome a loving family if your circumstances would allow- even if in the next life?


Anyways, I remain of the thought that what you're doing is quite brave. There's been plenty of quotes in here but what you said there about forgiving her with compassion reminds me of that little poem attributing to Mother Teresa about 'Loving Anyway' ;)


Best of luck.
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