Rape in PL
- Thread starter lonewolf
- Start date
Mere Dreamer
Senior Registered
Grrr! I just want to beat the guy up, past life or not, dream or not. What a terrible experience to have in memory, VikingGirlTBird.
I know I was assaulted in a past life ... in several past lives, more than likely. I'm really, really good at skipping over those memories, though. I'm not going to draw them out until I have someone capable of helping me with them right in the room with me.
But my best friend told me what had happened to me in our shared PL, since she had the dream first and knew I was rescued from a group of sailors by her servant and brought to her after having been attacked in the streets.
In my memory of the same event, there was this dreadful tension in an alleyway and I firmly decided to go back because something bad was in there, then I was suddenly hurrying down another street in the dark and climbing into a tall stranger's carriage because he made me feel safe. I had no idea why I was so relieved, and I just assumed I had turned around and walked to that street in the little gap in my memory.
In another PL I'm pretty sure it was a similar incident that made me run away from my samurai training/group and take my "dishonored sword" to a new master. Again, I remembered being surrounded, and then I was perched on a beam in the darkness, out of sight of everyone and determined to leave because I was no longer safe there.
Maybe you can face it piece by piece instead of all at once. For myself, I had a pretty bad marriage in this life, which just made things worse. My exhusband condemed my fantasy life to the eternal hell of knowing how any scenario can go horribly wrong. Now I freeze and comply as a self defense mechanism when it comes to rape, and I don't want to leave myself in a position to be taken advantage of ever again, especially by some random creep.
I'll write what has been working for me in dealing with this emotional residue in the next post. Maybe it will help someone else, too.
I know I was assaulted in a past life ... in several past lives, more than likely. I'm really, really good at skipping over those memories, though. I'm not going to draw them out until I have someone capable of helping me with them right in the room with me.
But my best friend told me what had happened to me in our shared PL, since she had the dream first and knew I was rescued from a group of sailors by her servant and brought to her after having been attacked in the streets.
In my memory of the same event, there was this dreadful tension in an alleyway and I firmly decided to go back because something bad was in there, then I was suddenly hurrying down another street in the dark and climbing into a tall stranger's carriage because he made me feel safe. I had no idea why I was so relieved, and I just assumed I had turned around and walked to that street in the little gap in my memory.
In another PL I'm pretty sure it was a similar incident that made me run away from my samurai training/group and take my "dishonored sword" to a new master. Again, I remembered being surrounded, and then I was perched on a beam in the darkness, out of sight of everyone and determined to leave because I was no longer safe there.
Maybe you can face it piece by piece instead of all at once. For myself, I had a pretty bad marriage in this life, which just made things worse. My exhusband condemed my fantasy life to the eternal hell of knowing how any scenario can go horribly wrong. Now I freeze and comply as a self defense mechanism when it comes to rape, and I don't want to leave myself in a position to be taken advantage of ever again, especially by some random creep.
I'll write what has been working for me in dealing with this emotional residue in the next post. Maybe it will help someone else, too.
Mere Dreamer
Senior Registered
One thing that has really been helpful to me emotionally is to "be powerful" and to "own myself" in my relationships with men now.
First I figured out what I value about myself by trusting the people who think I'm a treasure. The minute anyone proves disrespectful or manipulative in even the smallest way they simply don't have a hope of getting close to me. I put a bubble around that person wherever they happen to be in my life, which dis-empowers them from affecting me much. I simply won't go out of my way for someone who doesn't respect me.
But I don't keep men in general out of my life, because I need to interact with them safely to find the landmines and defuse them.
So now I have several very steady male friends, the sort of guys that my female friends tell me are incredibly respectful and well balanced as they wonder where I find them. (One of my self-protection methods is to tell at least two of my closest friends everything that I am doing and feeling, especially with anyone I'm attracted to. That way if someone starts manipulating me they can wake me up to that fact.)
My male friends know I'm working through my history of negative associations by being very open and unguarded ... while relying on them to help me out by being honest, respectful, and kind.... And they do, even when I have sudden irrational or emotional outbursts, or get lost in an onslaught of negative memories. They don't enjoy those moments and sometimes feel pretty awkward,... but they have their own traumas so they understand and accept my apologies.
I've learned to be natural and comfortable around them, and also comfortable with "falling in love" without having that feeling change our relationship. They kindly give me the space to process the feeling and divert it into a healthier way of interacting because they love me too, just not in that way.
So they correct my false beliefs and challenge me to notice the contrast between healthy connection and problematic relationships just by being who they are. Now I believe someday I'll find someone I trust enough to have a mutual romantic relationship. It has been an interesting journey, if sometimes painful to process.
I think the reason I can interact with these men in such a balanced way is because I have taken charge of the power to protect myself. Anyone who is unworthy of that level of trust gets locked out of my inner life, so only those who are trustworthy remain close enough, and they happen to make very good friends.
First I figured out what I value about myself by trusting the people who think I'm a treasure. The minute anyone proves disrespectful or manipulative in even the smallest way they simply don't have a hope of getting close to me. I put a bubble around that person wherever they happen to be in my life, which dis-empowers them from affecting me much. I simply won't go out of my way for someone who doesn't respect me.
But I don't keep men in general out of my life, because I need to interact with them safely to find the landmines and defuse them.
So now I have several very steady male friends, the sort of guys that my female friends tell me are incredibly respectful and well balanced as they wonder where I find them. (One of my self-protection methods is to tell at least two of my closest friends everything that I am doing and feeling, especially with anyone I'm attracted to. That way if someone starts manipulating me they can wake me up to that fact.)
My male friends know I'm working through my history of negative associations by being very open and unguarded ... while relying on them to help me out by being honest, respectful, and kind.... And they do, even when I have sudden irrational or emotional outbursts, or get lost in an onslaught of negative memories. They don't enjoy those moments and sometimes feel pretty awkward,... but they have their own traumas so they understand and accept my apologies.
I've learned to be natural and comfortable around them, and also comfortable with "falling in love" without having that feeling change our relationship. They kindly give me the space to process the feeling and divert it into a healthier way of interacting because they love me too, just not in that way.
So they correct my false beliefs and challenge me to notice the contrast between healthy connection and problematic relationships just by being who they are. Now I believe someday I'll find someone I trust enough to have a mutual romantic relationship. It has been an interesting journey, if sometimes painful to process.
I think the reason I can interact with these men in such a balanced way is because I have taken charge of the power to protect myself. Anyone who is unworthy of that level of trust gets locked out of my inner life, so only those who are trustworthy remain close enough, and they happen to make very good friends.
VikingGirlTBird
A True Viking/Medieval Person at my very heart!
Hi Tanguerra!tanguerra said:
Thanks so much for the very warm greetings and welcome!
Yes, I dreamt this possible past life dream about nine years ago and no, it is not a recurring dream.
Hi guys,i'm new here.
I was watching mindhunter,the episode where they recruit a new lad.
They let him listen to the Shirley Ledford tape by the toolbox killers.
You can't hear anything in the episode,and i did not have the intention of listening to it online,stil don't.
But the transcript,i scrolled really fast trough it, and i felt the worst kinds of emotions imaginable, even to this day.
Those feeling were going on for 2 days till finaly i searched for her picture online.
I cried like a little kid man, I'm shaking while typing this, it's unreal.
I am 100% sure that i was Shirley Ledford before this life.
The hate i feel for those 2...
The pain, the fear.
I don't go out much,i really enjoy staying home,now i know why :c.
Should i do a meditation?
Edit:I am afraid if i meditate, i might see what she has gone through.
I was watching mindhunter,the episode where they recruit a new lad.
They let him listen to the Shirley Ledford tape by the toolbox killers.
You can't hear anything in the episode,and i did not have the intention of listening to it online,stil don't.
But the transcript,i scrolled really fast trough it, and i felt the worst kinds of emotions imaginable, even to this day.
Those feeling were going on for 2 days till finaly i searched for her picture online.
I cried like a little kid man, I'm shaking while typing this, it's unreal.
I am 100% sure that i was Shirley Ledford before this life.
The hate i feel for those 2...
The pain, the fear.
I don't go out much,i really enjoy staying home,now i know why :c.
Should i do a meditation?
Edit:I am afraid if i meditate, i might see what she has gone through.
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Jaimie
Senior Member
Hi Donvin, how terrible you had this.
If you are to do meditation I would ask for the protection and the guidance from a spirit guide so you don't risk walking into something that gets too close, and suffer even more.
I myself have had 2 remembrances of rape-scenes from 2 different lives, but I have been fortunate to have protection through this.
If you experience something unpleasant during your meditation stop before it is too late if you do not have the distance, the protection.
I hope you will heal from this, please, be careful, if you are to do this. If there is any other way you can get around it and still feel peace in your heart I would do that instead.
Now that I have read somewhat what happened to Shirley Ledford on Wikipedia, I could not finish reading, could not even get to the middle part as it is so horrifying.
/Jaimie
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Ty so much for this comment.
I forgot to say that when i first saw her picture,i could not do anything for 1 whole minute.
That is the moment i realised.
And that is when i cried,started breating realy fast and deep,etc.
Everything that made me feel awkward in life suddenly made sense.
Like ****,this is why i have this weird feeling when i'm in this kind of situation.
It's the worst kind of thing to get trought but at the same time,it's like 999999999 pounds just fell of my shoulders.
What i can't grasp is that in the 29 years i have been alive,these feelings were not available to me.
And now,since i have seen her picture,it's like the levee breaks.
I know,it is so ******* bad.
This is so ******* sick,and i feel so ******* sorry for her (me?), i can't tell you.
I'm shaking,crying,like unbelievable.
But it's like a soul knows when to drop and where.
Been trough some things on a personal level,but i feel it was all just training.
But indeed,you can't read that,it is beyond human.
Jaimie
Senior Member
I'm so sorry. I think this first period for you as everything is crashing down on you right now is the worst part, it will get better, you will get through this.
Wish you all the best
/Jaimie
Jaimie
Senior Member
There are those who offer treatment online, if you can't find a psychiatrist in your area who offers treatment past life related. I have not had this myself, but know I have read of it somewhere on this forum.
May I ask if you have had an unusual and repeated nightmare when you were young, about any of this, that you have forgotten about ?
I use to have this that worried my family too because of extracts what I remember happening, that they couldn't explain.
After having found who I think I was in my most recent past life and dig into the details of her death I have come to realize that what I remembered in the nightmare was actually true. Things I could not have received information about in other ways.
This nightmare stopped when I was 7 or so of age and have not bothered me since, but I still have a vivid recollection of it, but it does feel as if I have come out of it on the other end. In that life the person who did this to me was a so called boyfriend and he was very smart and he got away with it, made the police look like fools. My family and perhaps especially my ex husband, whom I had the last years founded a form of truce, friendship with, was highly suspicious of him, so they co-worked with a private investigation to get some answers that the police couldn't get. The result was then handed over to the police, but they did nothing, perhaps because it was still not enough evidence.
I use to have the feeling of fear that the so called boyfriend would go after someone else, like the oldest child I had with my ex husband, but it didn't happen. When I found out they were all OK I felt a relief.
In some recent time I found my killer's photograph and small article in an old newspaper online. When I saw what he looked like I was emotionally effected as it was then confirmation that my childhood nightmare was true.
In other ways I was also able to get extracts from the private investigation where it was confirmed that the lady neighbor I remember had been real, had been there, but left (and not called the cops on him even though there were witnesses hearing, seeing us fight). What was in his favor was his position (he was a doctor) and I was a mix of his patient and his so called girlfriend.
I had had very difficult times in the past and had finally cracked, developing mental issues over the high stress I had been under way too long, my only surprise is that it didn't happen sooner than it did. So I think this was in his huge favor -- claiming I was still unstable, claiming I was suicidal (even if everyone else said I was not suicidal). He would report so many things that were proven wrong. He said I would take too much pills, only the coroner report showed the exact opposite (which is also my recollection that I was working really fast to get me off the pills as I had improved mental wise, had a good support system, even my ex husband was supportive, and also because I wanted out of this dependent relationship with my future killer, I was not in love with him as a friend would claim, it all collided in the fight the day I died and me first telling him to leave, but he refused. He gave me something in the bedroom that then killed me. He was there to watch me die with a smirk on his face. Only according to him he had left. The lady neighbor claimed he had not left at the time he did, but hours afterwards. The police concluded that things had been manipulated with, cleaned, but still apparently it was not enough to get justice in the legal system.
When I was able to get information that he had passed away many years ago I emotionally felt a form of relief that I can't explain. I could see that he was parted from the rest of his family members, concerning burial information. Even if I know all of this happened so long ago, I still just wanted to know he was dead and could not harm any of my loved ones.
It is important that you get closure surrounding your own past life death and don't let the bad guys win, you are loved, you are light, and you will get through this.
/Jaimie
May I ask if you have had an unusual and repeated nightmare when you were young, about any of this, that you have forgotten about ?
I use to have this that worried my family too because of extracts what I remember happening, that they couldn't explain.
After having found who I think I was in my most recent past life and dig into the details of her death I have come to realize that what I remembered in the nightmare was actually true. Things I could not have received information about in other ways.
This nightmare stopped when I was 7 or so of age and have not bothered me since, but I still have a vivid recollection of it, but it does feel as if I have come out of it on the other end. In that life the person who did this to me was a so called boyfriend and he was very smart and he got away with it, made the police look like fools. My family and perhaps especially my ex husband, whom I had the last years founded a form of truce, friendship with, was highly suspicious of him, so they co-worked with a private investigation to get some answers that the police couldn't get. The result was then handed over to the police, but they did nothing, perhaps because it was still not enough evidence.
I use to have the feeling of fear that the so called boyfriend would go after someone else, like the oldest child I had with my ex husband, but it didn't happen. When I found out they were all OK I felt a relief.
In some recent time I found my killer's photograph and small article in an old newspaper online. When I saw what he looked like I was emotionally effected as it was then confirmation that my childhood nightmare was true.
In other ways I was also able to get extracts from the private investigation where it was confirmed that the lady neighbor I remember had been real, had been there, but left (and not called the cops on him even though there were witnesses hearing, seeing us fight). What was in his favor was his position (he was a doctor) and I was a mix of his patient and his so called girlfriend.
I had had very difficult times in the past and had finally cracked, developing mental issues over the high stress I had been under way too long, my only surprise is that it didn't happen sooner than it did. So I think this was in his huge favor -- claiming I was still unstable, claiming I was suicidal (even if everyone else said I was not suicidal). He would report so many things that were proven wrong. He said I would take too much pills, only the coroner report showed the exact opposite (which is also my recollection that I was working really fast to get me off the pills as I had improved mental wise, had a good support system, even my ex husband was supportive, and also because I wanted out of this dependent relationship with my future killer, I was not in love with him as a friend would claim, it all collided in the fight the day I died and me first telling him to leave, but he refused. He gave me something in the bedroom that then killed me. He was there to watch me die with a smirk on his face. Only according to him he had left. The lady neighbor claimed he had not left at the time he did, but hours afterwards. The police concluded that things had been manipulated with, cleaned, but still apparently it was not enough to get justice in the legal system.
When I was able to get information that he had passed away many years ago I emotionally felt a form of relief that I can't explain. I could see that he was parted from the rest of his family members, concerning burial information. Even if I know all of this happened so long ago, I still just wanted to know he was dead and could not harm any of my loved ones.
It is important that you get closure surrounding your own past life death and don't let the bad guys win, you are loved, you are light, and you will get through this.
/Jaimie
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I cannot think of anything related in my dreams.
But i will take some time to think about it,for some reason i cannot recollect a whole lot from my childhood.
I think online help would be good,gonna google it asap.
The PL in your post was not that great either it seems :s.
But i'm glad you already found closure.
Also,i'm starting to see bits in my mind,but i'm quite sure that it's just in my mind,
but it gives me a feel of how it might have gone down.
I see like the van stopping,the panic when they tie her up and how they tie her up,both on their knees..
But i cannot see anything else.
The panic,and anger etc... has already became much less agressive and frequent,which is very nice.
I think that when i'm ready for it,i will do meditation,but that is gonna be something for in the not so near future.
But i will take some time to think about it,for some reason i cannot recollect a whole lot from my childhood.
I think online help would be good,gonna google it asap.
The PL in your post was not that great either it seems :s.
But i'm glad you already found closure.
Also,i'm starting to see bits in my mind,but i'm quite sure that it's just in my mind,
but it gives me a feel of how it might have gone down.
I see like the van stopping,the panic when they tie her up and how they tie her up,both on their knees..
But i cannot see anything else.
The panic,and anger etc... has already became much less agressive and frequent,which is very nice.
I think that when i'm ready for it,i will do meditation,but that is gonna be something for in the not so near future.
Jaimie
Senior Member
Agree, I have not thought of this to do anything with being male or female, evil action is evil action in what ever shape it comes, however a man usually has the physical advantage in physical struggle with a woman.
Jaimie
Senior Member
I apologize, you're right, you did write boy, didn't you, somehow I got stuck in the man-female field when answering.
/Jaimie
landsend
Senior Registered
I agree. And read this topic because I do have a past life memory involving this topic, but as a young boy. I don't know how much of it is true, though. I know there was abuse, but can't say how far it extended.
John Tat
Senior Registered
The following may or may not be relevant to this thread... I just returned from visiting one of my daughters and gave my grand kids there Christmas presents One of them is a 4 year old girl .. beautiful gentle little girl.. I'm in my seventies so do not see a golliwog as being a racial doll.. just a doll to play with.. the same as all of the others. I gave it to my 4 year old grand daughter her reaction was terrible... As soon as she opened it she began screaming it was terrible she ran away and hit behind a door she was screaming no no no … stop stop stop My daughter went to her and said its Ok you can come out now My granddaughter asked "has he gone" my daughter said yes and I promise he will never come back It was a terrible experience something similar to what ii talked about in this thread
I think this happened all through history until today. It was a common practice during warfare. And besides that, don't forget the institutional rapes. Women servants that carried their bosses children, even when there was no violence involved. It was no free will. Economical power corrupts human relationships. I am aware that this latter might have happened to me in the past. Being a female servant (una indígena) that raised her 'masters' children, of course, they had no status at all. None of us. I guess he really liked me but although technically a free person, in fact, you are property and a slave. There is nowhere to go to when you are an unmarried woman with a bunch of children, so you stay. And at night he comes along, whenever he feels like doing so. To me, it feels like a wasted life, that one. I've seen a lot of visuals and I am glad those stopped. Nothing to be proud of. I even think I've met this person in this life, which was highly interesting, especially in hindsight. Very interesting indeed. This time I walked away.
Update time:
I have been talking to her photo at times.(kinda daily)
I have looked at her picture multiple times a day since i came to the realization.
It's like i'm having this daybook interaction,but i still get the shakes sometimes.(and it still sucks when it happens)
Even tho,i am compelled to look at the picture,it's something i even look forward to to do it my whole goddamn life,even tho it gives me the shakes sometimes.
However,knowing that those two animals "only" had 2 hours of physical interaction with my former self is kinda getting me to a point of relief.
When i discovered that bittaker was dead,"which was @ about an hour before i posted the link on this page"it was an insta relief,beyond belief perhaps.
Not kidding.
Weird tho, i get this epiphany about my most recent past life,then a couple of days later the devil of the story dies...
I am thinking of doing regression in the near future now.
I have been talking to her photo at times.(kinda daily)
I have looked at her picture multiple times a day since i came to the realization.
It's like i'm having this daybook interaction,but i still get the shakes sometimes.(and it still sucks when it happens)
Even tho,i am compelled to look at the picture,it's something i even look forward to to do it my whole goddamn life,even tho it gives me the shakes sometimes.
However,knowing that those two animals "only" had 2 hours of physical interaction with my former self is kinda getting me to a point of relief.
When i discovered that bittaker was dead,"which was @ about an hour before i posted the link on this page"it was an insta relief,beyond belief perhaps.
Not kidding.
Weird tho, i get this epiphany about my most recent past life,then a couple of days later the devil of the story dies...
I am thinking of doing regression in the near future now.
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Jaimie
Senior Member
That sound very good like you are dealing with this one piece at a time. I hope you can get some good memories from that life too and know that you are loved. Perhaps even recognize someone from this past life, a good soulmate, in your present. How wonderful you could have that relief, I know what that means. Yes, agree, that can seem strange but can have a meaning, maybe you were meant to remember now and meant to have somewhat closure soon after knowing he is dead.
I wish you all the best with this.
/Jaimie
Update:
I'm kinda crushing everything in life atm
.
I also might have found my twin flame.
Aight skip that,100% sure
I forgave both those bastards,i don't think about them anymore.
Yesterday the fact that "my soul is seperated from my body" truly sincked in on a very deep level.
My bod be my friend now ya see
Greetings my friends,love yall
I'm kinda crushing everything in life atm
.I also might have found my twin flame.
Aight skip that,100% sure
I forgave both those bastards,i don't think about them anymore.
Yesterday the fact that "my soul is seperated from my body" truly sincked in on a very deep level.
My bod be my friend now ya see
Greetings my friends,love yall
Jaimie
Senior Member
I'm so happy for you ! Way to go ! Wish you all the best in the futureUpdate:
I'm kinda crushing everything in life atm
I also might have found my twin flame.
Aight skip that,100% sure
I forgave both those bastards,i don't think about them anymore.
Yesterday the fact that "my soul is seperated from my body" truly sincked in on a very deep level.
My bod be my friend now ya see
Greetings my friends,love yall
/Jaimie
I agree with this and I think it's a glaring hole in our culture. I think there are many, many unknown men who are victims of emotional abuse at the hands of women, particularly caregivers. I think it's a shame that to hit someone once and leave a mark, visible proof of something and you can go to jail. However there's no punishment for doling out years of emotional abuse, simply because there's not "proof".
I have no clue about how much you know about Twin flames,but i found out about my past life after meeting mine...I'm so happy for you ! Way to go ! Wish you all the best in the future
/Jaimie
I was 100% sure it was the other way arround,i now kinda think i know that meeting her made me accessible to my past life experience.
From everything i have read thus far about twin flames,i learned that Twin Flame encounters change one's life on every level..
I met her on 11/12/19,found out about shirly 2-3 days later..
It baffles me because i was soooooo sure i found out about my PL before meeting my twin flame...
So what i'm asking,could she be the reason i have found out about my past life?
Like,needing to have a physical connection with a twin soul in order to see what you are now ready to see?
greetings
Jaimie
Senior Member
Hi, could be and now you have her love as a protection shield against the bad memory ,could be too that she was in that past life and this has awoken things
All the best
Jaimie
No, not the reason. Possibly a trigger.
Physical connections to a so-called twin soul are not necessary in order to benefit from meeting them. You need to make The Connection, exchanging energies and experiences on a soul level. You should not be blinded by this concept. We've got a lot of soul mates and each one of them can have a huge impact on our lives. That's why they are here for.