Hi. I'm new here, and figure that a lot of what I might say may be redundant, but I will share a little bit of my own story- hopefully it may ring a bell with some other readers, or at least give me some enlightenment. I became formally acquainted with the rationale of reincarnation when I was fourteen,when I read a book, I think it was by Ruth Montgomery (?). To me, it suddenly made perfect sense-without being incongruent to my basic sense of Christianity- and it helped also to explain a some of the many quirks I had as a young child.
I'd like to hear what some others think- The first thing, is that I have always had this incredibly strong attachment to my mother. My earliest memory (of this life) is of being put into the big bed with my father, being hot and worried that he was going to roll on me as he was sleeping, staring up at the patterns the tree branches made on the wall from car headlights, and wondering what they were and also wondering where my mother was.
All of my family says that this is impossible, because the only time I was ever in bed with my father with my mother not there was when she had to go back into the hospital two weeks after I was born, because she was hemmorraging. Well- I definitely remember, and they should have believed me because at six weeks of age, I scared both my father and grandmother half to death, by turning my head from within my little basinet and asking my dad clearly in perfect English, "Where did Momma go?" after she had left the room.
Mom says she remembers this incident as two shreiks coming from the living room and my dad replying in disbelief- "Why, she's in the kitchen!" Neither my sister nor I really babbled as babies, and I didn't really talk again after that, until I spontaneously started talking in complete sentences at two years old. My opinion about this is that I wasn't especially precocious, I just knew English already.
By early childhood, quirks had already somewhat surfaced- extreme attachment to mom and BAD tempertantrums-when I was separated from her and usually involving power struggles with my sister and Dad. Also, they noticed that after diapers, I refused to wear underwear, or if I did, I had to wear four pairs of them. This is quite embarrassing to think of now, but I remember it just feeling "icky", and throwing awful fits and refusing to wear them- even when I went to school.
I finally started to wear them at age eleven or so- when junior high sensibilities began to kick in. I was also obsessed with cinching my waist extremely tight. I had this belt that I made Dad tack an extra couple of notches in- and would wear my belt so tight that several of the teachers at school voiced concern over the possible damage I was doing to my internal organs. But if my parents tried to make me not wear it- I would pitch a TREMENDOUS, unholy fit. Also, I had this thing with my socks and shoes. My shoes also had to be laced as tight as they would go, and my socks, had to be turned inside out,and upside down, whereupon I would take scissors to the corners to remove the tufts of seam there that I called "gillies".
They didn't know where I had gotten this word, but I hated the gillies and wanted my socks not to have that horrible seam across the toe. My mom said that my socks at the time had all holes cut in the corners, but there was nothing she could do. I spent my childhood racked with nightmares(and most of my adolescent and early adult life as well)- I never wanted to be left alone in bed, and most nights, my parents would carry me to my bed after I had fallen asleep in theirs. I also used to sleepwalk quite a lot, and freak them out. But a good thing- in early childhood a talent emerged in me. I could draw quite well. But the two main subjects of my drawings were horses and ladies.
As a formally educated art teacher, I now realize that this is a stage that many young girls go through,(horse obsession and wanting to draw princesses) but for me I think it was somewhat different because I also drew ladies with corsets and bustles, and I would always tell stories about them as I drew. My mom would get me that old computer paper that was perforated, and I would rip sheet after sheet off, filled with my characters and their adventures- such as having tea, and gossiping about their suitors. I recently found a card that I made my grandmother when I was six that said "Grandmother is a very kind and genteel person." I know that I was specifically trying to say "genteel" and not "gentle", because I have always liked that word, and have used it often to describe well-mannered people.
I used to plague my grandmother about what it was like in the old days ( she was born in 1903), and I remember crying about the fact that I wasn't born a hundred years earlier. Now I think- what a silly thing to cry over, even though I still feel this tremendous emotional pull to 19th Century Britain. Even though my grandmother would tell me about all the diseases and inconveniences and awful things that happened to people in America when she was young, I never believed that the old days-especially in Merry Old, weren't all they were cracked up to be- I used to bring home all these British Costume movies and make her watch them with me, because I felt like she was the only one who " got it". She humoured me fairly well. Even though my sister has gone on to get her Ph.D. in 18th Century English Literature- and has shown an interest in the past- I have always thought her interests were rather "peasanty" and mundane. Like women's rights and whatnot. (I'm being fecetious now, but I wasn't always so concerned about equality and justice.)
I remember being little and being apalled when I asked her if she could be anyone at anytime- and she replied that she would have wanted to be a gypsy princess, 200 years ago, travelling and living by her wits. I always thought a clean, civilized, well-dressed Victorian was about the best thing you could be. I think that if I have something to learn in this life- it's that clean, "civilized", well-dressed Victorians weren't always the best people. They were responsible for a lot of suffering in many other parts of the world, and women's lots during that time weren't so great. I guess what I'm trying to find out with this thread, is if anyone else has had similar quirks- with clothing, food (I wouldn't eat anything mixed together for the longest time), underwear or gillies... I recently found out that ghillie is the name for a type of shoe, and that sent chills down my spine, but if anybody knows- would they have been worn by ladies, and why would I have had such an adversion to seams in my socks?
Also is it possible to have these kind of hunches and arrive at any definite answers through regression? I have always been very drawn to the social practices of the Upper and Middle Classes in 19th Century England, and have the vague impressions of knowing what it was like to wear gloves and have a tightly bound bodice on and that thing- I love fancy clothes and soft fabrics, especially silk. (Even though in this life, I live on a farm- and do lots of "peasanty things every day.) Is there anyone else out there with this time period nagging them? But I don't know- if I am reincarnated, what my circumstances may have actually been. I do know that I think I had curly brown hair and my name started with either an E or an A- but it all feels so made up in my mind, and yet- not. Although I believe in the possibility of reincarnation to explain my circumstances, I am still extremely skeptical of adult regression.
I have read some of Dr. Ian Stevenson's research and he seems to be leery of adult regressions, because as adults, our natural tendencies to fantasize and exaggerate may distort any so-called memories we get through meditation or regression. And the the proven unreliabilty of memory itself- even in one's present lifetime, also bothers me. Did I really remember missing my mother when I was two weeks old, or was it constructed from my memories as an older child, and overhearing things? I believe, above all else, in the power of the human mind to absorb thing subconsciously, and also to imagine wonders, even incredibly detailed, or emotional things. I recently read a book about adult regressions and this one woman had remembered being burned at the stake for witchcraft in Salem, MA. I instantly thought, "How ridiculous! They didn't Burn anyone at Salem! The accused were hanged and one was crushed to death!" Though, I could acknowledge the power of the feelings evoked in the description of her "memories", so obvious an error had to be questioned !!
I am not scholar enough to call out some other inconsistencies in people's memories, but it seems like in order to really heal, people need to separate what seems to be real, from what may be metaphorical fantasy. (Did I like tight things when I was young because I needed to feel secure?) Thank you for reading my long and rambling message- I had a lot pent up. Hopefully someone will respond to my skeptical and yet curious thoughts. Also special greeting to any of you over there in the UK- and anybody else who may provide clues to my bizarre childhood preoccupation with underwear and gillies.
edited for paragraph formating only.
[This message has been edited by Deborah (edited 06-27-2002).]
I'd like to hear what some others think- The first thing, is that I have always had this incredibly strong attachment to my mother. My earliest memory (of this life) is of being put into the big bed with my father, being hot and worried that he was going to roll on me as he was sleeping, staring up at the patterns the tree branches made on the wall from car headlights, and wondering what they were and also wondering where my mother was.
All of my family says that this is impossible, because the only time I was ever in bed with my father with my mother not there was when she had to go back into the hospital two weeks after I was born, because she was hemmorraging. Well- I definitely remember, and they should have believed me because at six weeks of age, I scared both my father and grandmother half to death, by turning my head from within my little basinet and asking my dad clearly in perfect English, "Where did Momma go?" after she had left the room.
Mom says she remembers this incident as two shreiks coming from the living room and my dad replying in disbelief- "Why, she's in the kitchen!" Neither my sister nor I really babbled as babies, and I didn't really talk again after that, until I spontaneously started talking in complete sentences at two years old. My opinion about this is that I wasn't especially precocious, I just knew English already.
By early childhood, quirks had already somewhat surfaced- extreme attachment to mom and BAD tempertantrums-when I was separated from her and usually involving power struggles with my sister and Dad. Also, they noticed that after diapers, I refused to wear underwear, or if I did, I had to wear four pairs of them. This is quite embarrassing to think of now, but I remember it just feeling "icky", and throwing awful fits and refusing to wear them- even when I went to school.
I finally started to wear them at age eleven or so- when junior high sensibilities began to kick in. I was also obsessed with cinching my waist extremely tight. I had this belt that I made Dad tack an extra couple of notches in- and would wear my belt so tight that several of the teachers at school voiced concern over the possible damage I was doing to my internal organs. But if my parents tried to make me not wear it- I would pitch a TREMENDOUS, unholy fit. Also, I had this thing with my socks and shoes. My shoes also had to be laced as tight as they would go, and my socks, had to be turned inside out,and upside down, whereupon I would take scissors to the corners to remove the tufts of seam there that I called "gillies".
They didn't know where I had gotten this word, but I hated the gillies and wanted my socks not to have that horrible seam across the toe. My mom said that my socks at the time had all holes cut in the corners, but there was nothing she could do. I spent my childhood racked with nightmares(and most of my adolescent and early adult life as well)- I never wanted to be left alone in bed, and most nights, my parents would carry me to my bed after I had fallen asleep in theirs. I also used to sleepwalk quite a lot, and freak them out. But a good thing- in early childhood a talent emerged in me. I could draw quite well. But the two main subjects of my drawings were horses and ladies.
As a formally educated art teacher, I now realize that this is a stage that many young girls go through,(horse obsession and wanting to draw princesses) but for me I think it was somewhat different because I also drew ladies with corsets and bustles, and I would always tell stories about them as I drew. My mom would get me that old computer paper that was perforated, and I would rip sheet after sheet off, filled with my characters and their adventures- such as having tea, and gossiping about their suitors. I recently found a card that I made my grandmother when I was six that said "Grandmother is a very kind and genteel person." I know that I was specifically trying to say "genteel" and not "gentle", because I have always liked that word, and have used it often to describe well-mannered people.
I used to plague my grandmother about what it was like in the old days ( she was born in 1903), and I remember crying about the fact that I wasn't born a hundred years earlier. Now I think- what a silly thing to cry over, even though I still feel this tremendous emotional pull to 19th Century Britain. Even though my grandmother would tell me about all the diseases and inconveniences and awful things that happened to people in America when she was young, I never believed that the old days-especially in Merry Old, weren't all they were cracked up to be- I used to bring home all these British Costume movies and make her watch them with me, because I felt like she was the only one who " got it". She humoured me fairly well. Even though my sister has gone on to get her Ph.D. in 18th Century English Literature- and has shown an interest in the past- I have always thought her interests were rather "peasanty" and mundane. Like women's rights and whatnot. (I'm being fecetious now, but I wasn't always so concerned about equality and justice.)
I remember being little and being apalled when I asked her if she could be anyone at anytime- and she replied that she would have wanted to be a gypsy princess, 200 years ago, travelling and living by her wits. I always thought a clean, civilized, well-dressed Victorian was about the best thing you could be. I think that if I have something to learn in this life- it's that clean, "civilized", well-dressed Victorians weren't always the best people. They were responsible for a lot of suffering in many other parts of the world, and women's lots during that time weren't so great. I guess what I'm trying to find out with this thread, is if anyone else has had similar quirks- with clothing, food (I wouldn't eat anything mixed together for the longest time), underwear or gillies... I recently found out that ghillie is the name for a type of shoe, and that sent chills down my spine, but if anybody knows- would they have been worn by ladies, and why would I have had such an adversion to seams in my socks?
Also is it possible to have these kind of hunches and arrive at any definite answers through regression? I have always been very drawn to the social practices of the Upper and Middle Classes in 19th Century England, and have the vague impressions of knowing what it was like to wear gloves and have a tightly bound bodice on and that thing- I love fancy clothes and soft fabrics, especially silk. (Even though in this life, I live on a farm- and do lots of "peasanty things every day.) Is there anyone else out there with this time period nagging them? But I don't know- if I am reincarnated, what my circumstances may have actually been. I do know that I think I had curly brown hair and my name started with either an E or an A- but it all feels so made up in my mind, and yet- not. Although I believe in the possibility of reincarnation to explain my circumstances, I am still extremely skeptical of adult regression.
I have read some of Dr. Ian Stevenson's research and he seems to be leery of adult regressions, because as adults, our natural tendencies to fantasize and exaggerate may distort any so-called memories we get through meditation or regression. And the the proven unreliabilty of memory itself- even in one's present lifetime, also bothers me. Did I really remember missing my mother when I was two weeks old, or was it constructed from my memories as an older child, and overhearing things? I believe, above all else, in the power of the human mind to absorb thing subconsciously, and also to imagine wonders, even incredibly detailed, or emotional things. I recently read a book about adult regressions and this one woman had remembered being burned at the stake for witchcraft in Salem, MA. I instantly thought, "How ridiculous! They didn't Burn anyone at Salem! The accused were hanged and one was crushed to death!" Though, I could acknowledge the power of the feelings evoked in the description of her "memories", so obvious an error had to be questioned !!
I am not scholar enough to call out some other inconsistencies in people's memories, but it seems like in order to really heal, people need to separate what seems to be real, from what may be metaphorical fantasy. (Did I like tight things when I was young because I needed to feel secure?) Thank you for reading my long and rambling message- I had a lot pent up. Hopefully someone will respond to my skeptical and yet curious thoughts. Also special greeting to any of you over there in the UK- and anybody else who may provide clues to my bizarre childhood preoccupation with underwear and gillies.
edited for paragraph formating only.
[This message has been edited by Deborah (edited 06-27-2002).]
