Memories of Memories

[adorianne]

Hello all!

Although I was always itching to remember my past life since childhood, it's only since my 20th birthday this January that I started questioning it again, due to certain hyperrealistic dreams and signs which started. It's been something of a metamorphosis and an incredibly emotional experience, which continues to unfold. 90% of the time I find myself going back to my childhood and remembering what I used to remember about my life before birth. Memory was important to me so much, that the earliest one I have is being in utero about two weeks before birth, and then the birth itself. As the years passed and I grew extremely sceptical of my own feelings, it faded out. I guess that's the reason I have created this thread, looking for some sort of assurance - how reliable are memories of memories? Meaning me remembering what I remembered as a child about my past life. It sounds a lot like Inception.

All my life I have been drawn to music and the stage, it felt like it was a part of what defined me as a person. Although I have not been educated in music this life, everyone always remarked how musical I was. I became somewhat of a celebrity in my school after I won first place in a talent show, the applause was so loud it hurt my ears and I have never experienced something like that since. Classmates would literally follow me in hallways and teachers would stop in the middle of a lesson because kids asked me to sing. I also always had memories of having spine/posture problems (scoliosis) and being forced to wear a cast of sorts over my back. Recently I asked my mother about it, but she said it never happened and my spine was perfectly normal. I also remember telling her she had no right to boss me around because she wasn't my real mom and I was older than her anyway.
It really bothered me that my entire life that I felt so foreign - my name, my body, my age, my family, home, country, language... It freaked me out, and it still does sometimes but I've learned to accept it. I tried to adjust myself, to connect with my family or culture, but it just didn't work. A lot of this has been a source of self-hatred because I felt so out of place. I'm aware that it's a psychological condition, but there's no reason I should have it since I was not traumatized as a child or anything. My family is very isolated and small, so it's no cause for escapism or anything. It's literally just me and my mom, all my life.

There's tons of other stuff, like me remembering my real name, my rock band, my friends, my little brother, places I've been. All of this information lay dormant until now, which has truly awakened me from some disturbing dream where I was a shadow of myself. It's so excrutiating though - it's hard not to mercilessly judge myself because the person I feel is my past life is too closely connected with certain famous figures. I have panicked a few times over it and I am extremely self-conscious of saying names, and I'm just wondering if relying on my childhood memories when I "just knew" things is good enough. I knew next to nothing about these people until the dreams started in early January after I purchased my first guitar. I have no concrete memories yet, except one instance, but I am constantly overflowing with emotions. I have certain triggers associated with my past life, especially the death of someone I love which has sent me into a legitimate panic attack of hurt and denial and shock that cut deeper than any kind of loss I can imagine, though it has been 21 years since the event. I should also mention that I was born a week overdue between the 10th and 11th of January, 1995. I have often hated myself for my inability to be normal... If it wasn't for the love and support of my friends (one of whom is on this forum), I wouldn't believe myself in this at all. Out of fear of tricking myself, despite the signs and the depth of my feelings.
How do I know that I'm going the right way by going back?

 

[argonne1918]

From what you have told us here, it sounds like your last past life was after WWII. You were a "baby boomer". What is the name you remember? What language did you speak? The back brace for scoliosis would have been somewhat common. For extreme cases they had surgery where they inserted metal rods next to your spine. Kids were screened for Scoliosis in 7th grade gym class. When I was in 7th grade in the early 1960's both boys and girls were "posture" screened. Rock and roll music came in starting in the 1950's.

 

[adorianne]

From what you have told us here, it sounds like your last past life was after WWII. You were a "baby boomer". What is the name you remember? What language did you speak? The back brace for scoliosis would have been somewhat common. For extreme cases they had surgery where they inserted metal rods next to your spine. Kids were screened for Scoliosis in 7th grade gym class. When I was in 7th grade in the early 1960's both boys and girls were "posture" screened. Rock and roll music came in starting in the 1950's.

Hi argonne!


I would have been born in 1967 (which would make me older than my mother in this life by five years), and I was part of the grunge/alternative rock scene that was emerging in parts of USA in the early 90s. I absolutely love noise rock, post-punk and alternative bands that are either weird or have very intense punk attitudes. I live and breathe English, there's no doubt about that, and I often have this American twang I can't seem to drop. English is not my first language, though I have effortlessly adopted it as my own (I'm studying English in college, which my supposed PL also did). I read that the person I'm referring to had a mother who also had scoliosis, which was the extreme case you speak of. The places I was always mysteriously drawn to was definitely Seattle, California, Boston... though I had no idea why, probably couldn't point them on the map. Seattle was where the grunge scene was based, where my PL lived and died, California was where she lived in early childhood too, Boston was where she studied English in college...


I'm afraid I'm way too self-conscious to say the name yet... I'm just wondering if by delving into my inner child is too late, because I feel like I know too much at this point from external sources..?

 

[tanguerra]

... I'm just wondering if by delving into my inner child is too late, because I feel like I know too much at this point from external sources..?

How do you mean adorianne? Do you mean can you trust your own memories if they are of a famous past life? Yes, you can. There are numerous people on the forum now and in the past who have famous past lives. After all, everyone reincarnates, even famous people. They have memories the same as anyone else. They remember personal things, like their family and friends, rather than the 'famousest' bits usually.

Out of fear of tricking myself, despite the signs and the depth of my feelings. How do I know that I'm going the right way by going back?

What is the fear? That people will make fun of you? That you are losing your mind? Nobody will make fun of you in the forum. If you tell people in real life though, there is no way of knowing how they might respond, so it's better to keep things like this to yourself, or just a few close friends, sadly.

 

[adorianne]

How do you mean adorianne? Do you mean can you trust your own memories if they are of a famous past life? Yes, you can. There are numerous people on the forum now and in the past who have famous past lives. After all, everyone reincarnates, even famous people. They have memories the same as anyone else. They remember personal things, like their family and friends, rather than the 'famousest' bits usually.
What is the fear? That people will make fun of you? That you are losing your mind? Nobody will make fun of you in the forum. If you tell people in real life though, there is no way of knowing how they might respond, so it's better to keep things like this to yourself, or just a few close friends, sadly.

I guess I get intimidated by it a little. I wouldn't say she is that famous, but there is an overwhelming amount of lies and shady stuff centered around the manner of death, I feel this pressure to be "obliged" by rights to know exactly what happened and why it happened. My death was more or less an accident, but there is a lot of suspicion and finger pointing about what really happened. It's not really something I'd care to explore yet, I don't care to judge or condemn or blame anyone. There was a lot of confusion and pain left behind, which attributed to my feelings of being really lost and stuck in this life. That has all improved for the better since I found out about her. Ironically, I died right before I was about to begin a new life by going back to my old life (before the band).


I don't care much to tell others. It's more so this search for my true self. I don't want to assume I'm someone I'm not. It's very important for me to be who I really am at all times (which was also extremely important to her). I am afraid that my current knowledge of her is affecting my childhood memories into something they're not. I know it's overthinking, I just want to make sure I am me. The fame aspect makes it more difficult than it needs to be. Then again, some spirits choose not to reincarnate, and instead remain in the astral plane or whatever. I do not want to cause the real soul offence by saying I'm her if I'm not. I guess this slight paranoia of "is this really REALLY me" could be attributed to my PL drug use as something I did to fit in with new friends, and it ultimately ended me, and they were never really my friends. Ugh, oh God... My use of perspective sounds so awkward.


oh hey, 11:11

 

[PastPilot]

Funny thing about past lives is that the past doesn't have to be that long ago. I was reading a collection past life stories in a book recently where a woman remembered dying by being hit by a car. She was in her late teens at her death. Being reborn soon after as a woman again, she seemed to have started off again right where she left off, a few blocks from where she was born in the same town. She died in 1992 and was reborn in 1994.


Being into Rock n'Roll doesn't have to be from back in the 1950s, it could be as little as 1994. I had a few friends who died young, in their teens for all sorts of reasons, from being hit by cars, cancer, to unknown causes. I always wondered if they came back quickly, and did they have similar traits and interests, or even memories.

 

[tanguerra]

I just want to make sure I am me. The fame aspect makes it more difficult than it needs to be. Then again, some spirits choose not to reincarnate, and instead remain in the astral plane or whatever. I do not want to cause the real soul offence by saying I'm her if I'm not. I guess this slight paranoia of "is this really REALLY me" could be attributed to my PL drug use as something I did to fit in with new friends, and it ultimately ended me, and they were never really my friends. Ugh, oh God... My use of perspective sounds so awkward...

Yes, this stuff can be tricky to talk about. It's easy to get mixed up in a grammatical black hole, because we don't really have constructs to deal with this, let alone thought architecture to wrap our heads around it. I wouldn't worry about 'offending another soul' if it turns out you have this mixed up with some other musician from the same era. I think if people are genuine, who would mind if they made a mistake?


Yes, I can assure you that 'you are you'.


Whatever happens, understand that we are all immortal and have all had hundreds, maybe thousands, of lives. We've had good lives, bad lives, boring lives and exciting lives. We have died peacefully and violently. We are all different, but in a lot of ways, we are all more or less the same.


We are like actors playing one show after another, adopting a slightly new persona each time perhaps, learning from our mistakes hopefully, getting better with age maybe.... But 'you are you' even if 'you' turns out to be more complicated than you used to think.