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In spring my daughter talks about 'before'

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Springchicken

New Member
Hi all,
I'm new to posting here, however, in spring (May specifically) my daughter talks about 'before.' I find myself looking at your forums each spring. Then she stops taking about it and I think the window is closed. Today I'm deciding to ask what you think!

My daughter will be 5 in July. She just had her spring song performance at preschool yesterday that she was excessively nervous for. She drew me a picture of herself as a baby next to a symbol that I think looks like a Calladaugh (sp?) it's a heart with a crown on it. The baby is sad. I asked how were you feeling in this picture? She said nervous before I was born to meet you and daddy because you were strangers. That's how I felt today at my program. I said you never met us before? She said daddy? Yes daddy.

She has also been experiencing wetting the bed in the last few weeks that may be related to the nervousness, as well as a couple of tantrums in the middle of the night.

On Tuesday (day before program that she was so nervous for) out of the blue she told my mom, 'when I was little my Grammy went to California and I never saw her again.' I have recently been calling my mom Grammy and each time she adamantly corrects me. 'That is grandma NOT Grammy!' The more she corrects me the more I accidentally call my mom Grammy.

2 years ago in May she told me several very different stories about 'before' that don't seem related. I wish I had typed them out then, but maybe I will add to this thread later when I have more time to type. I'm curious as to what else she will say but worried that the window only opens for a short time like it has in the past. Also wondering if I will ever get more to the story.
 
Here are some other things she has said:


Two years ago she was rubbing my belly and I asked her if she remembered being in there (in a joking playful way never expecting any serious answer). At that time she was almost 3. She said yes, it was dark and rainy in there. And that she tried really hard to get out but it was too small and she was too big. Then the doctor grabbed her really fast and got her out (I had a c section after 23 hours of labor.


A week later she looked into my belly button and said, hello!?? Is someone in there?!? And a week later I found out I was pregnant with her little sister.


After reading on this forum I asked her if she remembers 'before' and she looked me in the eye and excitedly told me 'you get it!!'


She told me that before she was born she and I would mix and mix the cheese, put it up on the shelf, wait, and it was the best cheese ever. She said we were at the cottage together on my birthday and that was a sad day. She wouldn't say anything else about it.


A week later I asked her if she wanted to talk about before again. She said she had brown skin, I had brown skin, she fell in the machine and I saved her. She said she drove the car as part of her life. That entire week she kept asking when she would be allowed to drive a car.


Another day she told me she lived with a man far far away and it was really really hot.


Playing one day she sang a song to herself, 'I have to change, change, change my life.'


One day she told me she missed the grey house with the car in the tree. Then she looked out the window and started pointing. That convo felt a little more magical, maybe fantasy. Not the matter of fact way she talked the other times.


My concern is all these little pieces don't feel related. The ones listed on this post were all from spring 2 years ago.
 
Welcome,


It's so good that you are writing these things down now. Thank you for sharing. Have you asked her to draw pictures of "before?"


Try to record as much as you can for her and for yourself. Sometimes it takes time for things (pieces to the puzzle) to come together.


It could also be that she remembers more than one life - from before. :D Some kids do. It's not that uncommon.


Have you read Carol's books? Chapter one is a sticky at the top of this section if you haven't.
 
Welcome to the forum.. :) Start keeping a journal and write everything down. It sounds like she has known you before in at least one past life. The cheese machine and car mean it was probably in the last 75 or 80 years. You can contact Carol Bowman, the owner of this forum, directly and ask her for advice. She is glad to help in cases like this and doesn't charge.
 
Thank you for the welcome! I have read the first chapter, and plan on ordering the book today. I also listened to a radio interview with carol bowman on YouTube.


Do you really think I have enough here to contact carol directly? I imagine she is a very busy woman :)
 
You know, I looked up "car in the tree" and found this. Your daughter mentioned California. It may not be connected as she said she never went, just a grandparent she never saw again, but thought I'd mention it anyway. She could also be referring to a toy?
 
Looking Backwards, thanks for your post. Interestingly enough, while you were typing that (I'm just getting here now) she spontaniously told me "I may have been or may not have been friends with Daddy before I was born." She then said she remembered all of us being in heaven together with God. She said Daddy left first to be born, then me, and she waited much longer to be born. She said it was a really big place. About five minutes later I got the email that you had commented on this post! ;)


Since I last posted she has continued to talk about missing Grammy. I have emailed Carol (who responded in 1 hour!!) as well as read her book. Several times I have talked with her about Grammy, and I am not as scared to ask her clarifying questions. She outright told me that it's hard to talk about it because she remembers 'two different times at the same time.' Which explains maybe why the details don't make sense. I can post more of those details but I know that I can be long winded ;)


My question at this point is her stories have a reoccurring theme of abandonment, that Grammy always leaves her and never comes back. She specifically named without promting first California, then Mexico and China (I didn't even know she knew of China), and each times Grammy left her and she never saw her again. She said that she saw on Grammy's calendar that she is not going to come to Ohio this time (where we live now). Most all of the stories in Carol's book contain information about death in the past life. She doesn't talk about death instead its abandonment. Another question is if often times people reincarnate around the same geographical area why is she telling me about different countries and different languages that she spoke?


Thanks in advance for any insight, and I can type up more details of what she has shared if that would help.
 
Hi all! My daughter has continued to give some information about 'before she was in Ohio.'


-she used to sleep outside with the horses


-the adults had horses and the kids had ponies


-she used to speak Spanish, I said 'Goulia' to my horse, it meant 'giddy up'


-we were on a short journey when Grammy didn't come back


-we were very sad and waited a long time for her to come back


-when they got lost they yelled for help and men came and picked them up and wouldn't put them down, told them again 'put us down' and they finally did and 'then we didn't speak Spanish anymore' (Possibly death and the start of a new life?)


-pointed to her mouth and said 'what am I speaking right now?' I said English, she said 'I wasn't speaking English then'


-everyone had the same first name


-then the men had a great capture of a tiger


-its hard to talk about because I'm remembering two different times


(new conversation)


-pretend driving "i'm going to visit Grammy'


-daddy asked, "i did I ever meet your Grammy?'


-she said, 'yes one time'


-'you thought she was someone else, but when you realized who she was you told her she could go back to where she lived'


(new conversation)


-we used to live in China (I didn't know she knew the word China)


-we played instruments


-mommy played guitar, I played violin, daddy played ukulele (quick google search shows TONS of traditional Chinese stringed instruments, one in particular was developed to be used on horseback)


-this is 'before I had a daddy or a baby sister' (weird because she had just said daddy played ukulele)


-China is when we had the horses


-explained in depth that we spoke the language everyone else did--she really wanted me to understand that


-then she started clicking her tongue like a clock and said 'it's really important that we remember this time in Ohio.' I said, 'what if I forget?' she said, 'then you have to start all over again'


(new conversation)


-she knew Grammy was gone when she saw flashing lights at her house


-no furniture left in Grammy's house


-Grammy is not scheduled to come to Ohio


-she saw her 'calendar' and she was with us in Mexico and China but she is not coming to Ohio at all


-I asked if she was with her before then she will probably be with her again sometime? she really looked relieved and said, 'Oh ya mommy'


(new conversation)


-my grammy left me and never came back


-I wanted to wave to her but you made me go inside because {baby sister} needed a nap


-but it wasn't {baby sister} it was a boy baby


-he is still where we used to be before Ohio


-I asked 'oh ya? where is that?'


-I don't know, can we stop talking now?


Help! What do you think? Since she has told me she is remembering 2 different times I try to keep that in mind. Interesting enough when she was a baby I used to tell people I understand how different languages developed because when she babbled she sounded Asian of some type. People never validated for me that was a thing so I stopped saying it. Also she often makes a big production about waving to say goodbye to anyone and throws a fit if she doesn't get enough time waving.


I don't have many people to talk to about this. I would really love to hear some feedback from those of you who understand this more. Thank you!!
 
Wow. This is great. Yes, it sounds like she is talking about at least two or maybe more past lives. One in China, one in a Spanish speaking country which could be Mexico or California. California was once part of Mexico like Texas. Loosing grandma (the same one?) seems to be a common theme here. The fact that she knows she is not going to see grandma in this life is very interesting. Keep us informed of her past life conversations. It's like finding jig saw puzzle pieces. Have you tried showing her pictures on the internet (Google images, etc) of things like Chinese stringed instruments? See if she can pick out the ones she remembers playing. Has she ever eaten Chinese or Mexican food? I think you will be surprised at how she reacts to that. Maybe she remembers how to use chop sticks. :)
 
Hi springchicken,


One validation for you that I have is on 'everybody had the same first name.' If she is remembering the Chinese past life that is probably true. They have the same 1st name, Because the order of names is Family name first, 2nd name(given to all male siblings) 2nd name (given to all female siblings) and then the given name last.


For example, Yeung Lok Ga and Yeung Lok Mun could be two sisters' names, with them both having the same first and second name...if there were boys in the family, they would have a different 2nd name than the girls. The two sisters have different given names.


Usually they are called by their given name by parents. They also use Ah preceding and sometimes 'uh' following, like Ah-Mun-uh which sounds like Ahmunuh(incl. Chinese inflection, which I won't get in to). But sometimes, the 2nd and given name are used together when addressed.


Sorry this is long, but one more thing is that siblings commonly address each other by saying 'eldest sister', 'elder sister' 'younger sister' (in Chinese, of course) etc.
 
Argonne--yes from a very young age she had the patience to sit and eat with chop sticks. Whenever we have Mexican inspired food for dinner lately she insists on eating that with chop sticks--no other meals though! I have played an 'intro to Chinese' on YouTube and she picked up my phone, repeated one word, got embarrassed and turned it off. I also played a video of a pipa and flute. Her response was interesting--she sat and listened to the entire performance quietly. For a just-turned-five year old sitting quietly for 5 minutes usually doesn't happen at all! When it was over she handed me my phone and said in a mature tone, 'I like when they play together.' Then she went on her way.


Beth--thank you for the validations. Whenever she talks about this stuff she always says everyone has the same names. Even a new story I'll put below. It struck me last night that she always has had trouble making eye contact--from birth. Not to the point of anyone being concerned over development--but enough that I notice. EXCEPT when she is talking about 'before' a lot. Then she can talk making excellent eye contact. It's respectful in Asian cultures to avoid direct eye contact right? I never thought of that before last night right before falling asleep when I had just said to myself I was going to welcome any dream that might give me information about any past life of my own--and that's what I got.


So, a few weeks ago she was playing dress up and told me it was her wedding and she needed to 'smell good,' so she had to use some old body spray I had in my closet. Then she went on to tell me she had other parents and a brother and a sister. She said she had a picture of 'her' and she said in such a tone that sent shivers down my spine "I loved her like she was my own daughter." Her voice had to drop an octive when she said that. She said the mommy in that family died and she was going to marry the daddy now. Her daddy then worked as a shopkeeper and had the same name as her daddy now.


Same conversation but we moved into a different room and it felt to me we were now talking about something different. She said her name was Alisa. (Ah-Lisa). 'Her' name was Alisa too. She said


'I was one year old and I was so sad.'


'I don't know why she died, that mommy.' (Up until this point she had never said 'died' before--that week she saw a dead duck on the road and we talked about death and dying a lot.) 'The angels wanted me to be your mommy.'


'I think I'm pretending, mommy. I know I was borned to you so how could I be borned to those other people too?'


I said, 'Maybe it's possible it happened before you were born to me?'


'The angels picked me up and brought me to you.'


'That other family must be so so so sad that I'm not there anymore.'


I said, 'I bet they are sad.'


'The brother is still there where we used to be.'


I said, 'Where?'


'I don't know.'


'I was playing earlier and pretending about that other mommy but then I started to get serious.'


'Some people are always serious.'


'That other mommy got a scratch on the side of her face by her eye and she got a huge patch on it.'


I asked, 'At the hospital?'


'No we took care of her at home.'


I asked 'What did it look like there?'


'I don't know.'


I asked, 'were there the same cars as here?'


'There are only red cars there, no minivans. If you wanted to get a white car it cost too much for anyone to get.'


Then she told me she saw the 'whip' in my belly. We then proceeded to talk in circles, as I asked for clarification. Afterwards I realized she probably said 'rip' and she meant being born by c-section. Her R's sound like W's :) Anyway we had already had a long conversation and the moment was lost.
 
I found on google that Hong Kong has red car taxi's? And not many other cars in the city? What do you think of that, am I looking too hard?


She really hasn't talked about Grammy for a while, not since I suggested that if Grammy was with her before then it's possible she will be with her again. Then yesterday she said, I don't want to go to Grandma's house today. I said Grandma _? 'No the other grandma.' I said Grandma _? 'No! the other grandma!' I said who? She said Grammy. I just said oh ok as we had to get going and it wasn't the right time.


Thanks in advance for any insight! I really appreciate this forum!
 
BethC,


It just occurred to me that the name she told me might be exactly what you explained. I spelled it Alisa. But maybe Ah-lis-uh? Ah-(lease)-uh? Could Lis or Lees be a given name that you know of?


Thanks so much for your help!
 
This is so interesting. You are becoming a very good detective. I think you are on to something with the red taxi's in Hong Kong. This narrows down the location and time. She was lucky to be living in Hong Kong instead of the mainland. I'm sure this was probably after the communists took over the mainland in 1949. If she had lived on the mainland it would be a completely different story she is telling. I think you are right about not wanting to make eye contact. I think that is considered rude behavior.
 
What sort of tantrums in the middle of the night, Springchicken? Are they night terrors?


I had a few other thoughts. The "whip" in the belly is probably the umbilical cord.


There is a spring festival that is a memorial type day where ancestors are remembered.


And, while unusual, it would not be unheard of for a Chinese woman to emigrate to California (which was Mexico) for the purposes of marriage. Even when it was not allowed, apparently exceptions were made for rich merchants seeking brides. As your daughter has mentioned going far away to a place where it was hot it seems possible that she followed in Grammy's footsteps and either one might have might have married a Spanish speaker or married into a mixed-race family, hence the eating Mexican food with chopsticks.
 
Chinese name/Alisa


Hi Springchicken,


I will ask my husband (as he is the native speaker) re: Lis/Lees


I do know that Li (pronounced Lie) followed by Sahn is Cantonese given name. Of course, Li pronounced Lee is Chinese, as well, but I don't think it would be a name with the 's' at the end. However, I will check on it.


I wonder if your daughter means everyone had the same name as in same/similar between lives, rather than the family/sib name thing, or maybe a bit of both?


HK taxis are indeed red, however there are many other cars in Hong Kong. 'White cars' that you pay a lot of money for are limousines, I'm guessing.
 
Hi Springchicken,


Sorry. I'm back with an answer (more or less) re: Lis, Lees.


In general, at least for Cantonese, you will not hear 's' 'z' as a final consonant. So, your daughter's name...may have sounded similar to her current name, but it probably woudn't have been separated with 'Lis' or 'Lees' being a complete name. Hope that makes sense.
 
Argonne, several months ago I showed her the pictures you linked of Elizabeth. She was uninterested, so I kept showing her the predecessors. When I got to George V, she started squealing in delight, covered her mouth, and screamed "MOMMY HOW DID YOU GET THAT IN YOUR PHONE, HE IS SO FANCY!" I showed his predecessor, and again, completely uninterested.


A couple of times in the last few months I ask her about the things she used to say and she has not idea what I'm talking about. I wonder if the time has passed, maybe because of age, being in school, ect.


I'm going to start a new thread for my toddler though ;)
 
Springchicken said:
A couple of times in the last few months I ask her about the things she used to say and she has not idea what I'm talking about. I wonder if the time has passed, maybe because of age, being in school, ect.


I'm going to start a new thread for my toddler though ;)
Click to expand...
How old is your daughter now? Most kids start to forget around age 8 or so.
 
Argonne, she is 5.


Today I was soaking some things in vinegar and she said, 'mommy that's a little old fashioned, what you are doing there.' I said yes maybe old fashioned. I asked her what else did she know about old fashioned times, she said there were different cars that didn't have tops. There weren't' dishwashers, only sinks and soap. Later she said they didn't have rollerblades, only skates that strapped to your shoes.


Then she told me when she had told me before that she had a different mommy before me she was making that up and it wasn't true. She also says that now whenever I ask about any of it. :(


In the next breath she said she did have a dream a couple of times about friends she had, one was a big boy, and they went in an adventure in a cave and she was sad because she had to leave her friends too early. She was especially sad that she only hugged the boy goodbye and not the rest of her friends. She said it wasn't here in Ohio because it looked different but not sure where.
 
Sounds like maybe the 1920s or so? This is just a guess, going by the 'cars without tops' and the skates that tied to your shoes.


The idea of a 'theme park' where people would go for amusement was something that was just starting up around about then. Also the idea of going to visit a natural beauty spot for a family holiday was something that was starting to come into vogue. So, perhaps an 'adventure cave' was some kind of public attraction at the time? Or I wonder if there was an accident in the cave?


It's a shame she doesn't seem to want to talk about it. Perhaps she's worried about upsetting you, or is getting a bit confused herself as to what's 'real' and what's 'not'?
 
I don't think it's that old. At first I thought Model T Ford had no top, except canvass when it rained. But the skates were very popular in the 40s and 50s. She if she recognizes any of these classic convertible cars.


https://www.google.com/search?q=best%20convertible%20cars&newwindow=1&client=aff-maxthon-maxthon4&hs=6At&affdom=maxthon.com&channel=t23&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=y_gdVcmZFdDSoASy7oC4CA&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ#newwindow=1&channel=t23&tbm=isch&q=classic+convertible+cars


Maybe she died in a cave or someone she knew died in a cave.
 
So tonight at bedtime she asked if we could talk about her dream again. She said the dream made her happy because those people were so nice to her. He said the boy was almost a teenager, wore a t-shirt, had light brown straight hair. The two little girls were her age, 5 years old. They were also in a house that only had one floor, was old, dusty, and smelled like rotten eggs. Now it changes a bit and maybe gets magical: she arrived in the cave and had to leave to go back to her home back in the cave. Then she said, I was gone too soon, gone too soon, gone too soon, and actually shook her head as if she were stopping a memory/waking herself up. I asked where she went when she left and she said back to her home. Then enthusiastically asked if we could stop talking about it.


The good thing is she brought it up tonight. I wish you all could be a fly on the wall because I'm sure I'm missing things!
 
Wow. This is good. As time goes on I think she will tell you more. Someone suggested asking her to draw pictures of what she remembers. This might be somewhat easier for her.
 
Good that she feels she can talk about it. Don't press her. Just let her go at her own pace.


As long as she feels safe talking about it, she will probably from time to time when she is in the mood.
 
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