Had an epiphany, so here I am

[Backlit]

In some of my earliest memories, I remember looking through my eyes at the world in front of me in disbelief that I was here. Growing up, the memory of that feeling of actually seeing the world through my (someone else's) eyes, and the feeling of amazement that I was actually here never faded. I am trying to recall some other things that are just beneath the surface of my memories. I feel like there are memories that my mother told me never happened. "Must have been a dream" hiding in my mind somewhere.

I have always believed in reincarnation. Never thought I could or would remember them, though. Then I was triggered by a song that I have heard a hundred times before. I always found it catchy and I have liked it just fine... But there was something different this time. I thought I was just moved by the chords and harmonies. So for the first time, I searched it out and listened to it in a meditative state, and I felt like someone punched me in the gut. Was I associating it subconsciously to a childhood event? Something from my infancy? I asked family members and nobody ever played the record or song around me but I feel like it is significant to me. I cried for something or someone I lost, I thought I was going crazy. Then it happened again with a few more songs. So for the last week I feel dazed like I am living in a fog. I began reading up on past life memories once I found all of the songs were from the 60's, and as I thought about it another memory surfaced from when I was a child. I heard a song from that time while I was sick in the ER, and it struck something within me. I just couldn't explain it as a kid.

If I allow myself to become engulfed by the trigger songs I find myself crying to go back. I miss someone, some time so much. I also get the feeling I was taken. I feel a great sense of mourning and loss.

And it suddenly explains my extreme fear of strangers around my kids. I have had some crazy conspiracy theories of how they might get my kids. I have fears of them being taken from my house at night. To the point I would have bags of cans on the handlebar doorknobs so I'd hear someone trying to come inside at night. I remember looking at them as infants (especially my first) with such anxiety that I felt too much love and just knew I wouldn't get to keep them. Illogical, and I knew it, so I held as much crazy inside as I could, lol.

Am I making this up? Am I just overtired and sleep deprived? The longing and anxiety I am feeling is real, but am I creating a fantasy to explain it? I was born in 1976. And all I want to do is go back to the 60's and find what I am missing. Maybe I have been reading to much and creating all of this.

My main concern is, how will I know if any of this is real, and how do I know my childhood (from this life) traumas aren't stirring all of this up inside of me? I would love any thoughts or advice you can offer. I just started reading about past lives online a couple of days ago and just ordered a book to try and learn more.

 

[KenJ]

Welcome to the forum Backlit! The only way to find if you had a lifetime in the 1960's that I know of is to gather, and record, all that you can - even then you may wonder.
Interesting that it was songs/music that trigger your recall, there is a thread or so about that.

My first thought about that period was that I liked the music but not the times, a lot of unrest and hate - like what is happening now.

 

[Backlit]

Thank you for your reply (to my first post here) I probably should have said "hello" at the top of this thread, lol. It wasn't so much the era as the life that I (might have been) left behind. I feel like I wasn't ready to leave.

Thank you for the link to the music thread. Like I said I am extremely new to exploring my past lives and don't know any methods yet. I have been listening to binaural beats and trying to visualize as I fall asleep for the last few night. There is so much for me to learn. I am hopeful, yet doubtful that I will succeed in finding what I am looking for.

 

[KenJ]

I have been listening to binaural beats and trying to visualize as I fall asleep for the last few night. There is so much for me to learn.

It sounds as though you are taking a good path, there are quite a few threads concerning methods, explore the forum, read through the FAQ section as well as Carol Bowman's home page here. Carol's books are definitely worth reading if they are not the ones you ordered.

You mentioned several things in your first post that made me curious and somewhat concerned, the part about worrying about your children being abducted. For sure you need to address that as best you can so that the anxiety does not interfere with your ability to meditate.

I should have mentioned in my first post that I experienced the 1960's as an adult in this lifetime , yea, I'm that old.

 

[Backlit]

I think all parents worry about their children. What probably makes me a little different is the way my imagination can run wild with "what ifs." This is one reason I don't trust what I am feeling as past life memory vs. anxiety as it relates to kidnapping. But anxiety stems from somewhere, and I like learning about cool, mysterious new things, so...

I have been reading through the FAQ's. I will look into Carol Bowman's books. I ordered the Idiot's Guide book just before I found this forum. I hate the name but figured I am sort of an idiot at this point, so...

 

[Mere Dreamer]

I think all parents worry about their children. What probably makes me a little different is the way my imagination can run wild with "what ifs." This is one reason I don't trust what I am feeling as past life memory vs. anxiety as it relates to kidnapping. But anxiety stems from somewhere, and I like learning about cool, mysterious new things, so...

It wouldn't be surprising if your anxiety stemmed from real past life events. Don't discount the theory that the two are related just yet.

Since you do deal with anxiety, however, I have a recommendation. One of the spiritual "rules" so to speak is that you own your space, but this is only true if you're in charge of it.

Fear/anxiety comes from a belief that you are a victim, which creates an opening for you to become one. People who believe in curses can be cursed, essentially, because their own belief allows for those kinds of intentions to affect them more directly, even if they don't know who wants to harm them. Does that make sense?

By the way, this works the other way, too. If you believe something protects you on a spiritual level, it does. (Obviously, when we're talking tangible safety in the physical world, there are a lot of other strong influences creating many currents that will affect you, so common sense comes into play as well.)

Option 1: Take a moment each time you attempt meditation to establish guidelines for what kind of information you're willing to accept, and from what sorts of informants. I suggest you request that the information you receive be true, healing, and filtered by the loving guidance of your spiritual protectors or higher self. That intention will act like an email filter, helping you sort out cosmic spam from real information stored on your "spiritual hard-drive" or transmitted in response to your questions by guides or disincarnate friends.

Option 2: Another version of the filter is to create a vivid vision of a study-space with (choose one) a computer, visiting storytellers, or a library. Or just create an inner room for meditation protected by white light that has been specifically set to only allow your own spirit guides to reach you. Part one of your filter is the structure of the dream-space designed by you for your own emotional comfort and familiarity. The second safety filter is that you designate this internal research space as safe and reserved only for those you trust.

Basically, learn to leave fear at the door when you meditate. You won't hear any information sent as clearly while in the grip of fear, and I can tell you from experience that your own fear will show up in any visions or spiritual interactions if you give it the chance. It's very easy to begin thinking it's an external threat that stalks you, which only creates more fear.

Remember. You own your spiritual space. You can even kick out your own spirit guides and guardians, and they will respect your right to do that (though they never leave you on your own, they will simply step back to a point where you can no longer sense them).

I hope you find answers that help you face and overcome your fears.

 

[Backlit]

It wouldn't be surprising if your anxiety stemmed from real past life events. Don't discount the theory that the two are related just yet.

Since you do deal with anxiety, however, I have a recommendation. One of the spiritual "rules" so to speak is that you own your space, but this is only true if you're in charge of it.

Fear/anxiety comes from a belief that you are a victim, which creates an opening for you to become one. People who believe in curses can be cursed, essentially, because their own belief allows for those kinds of intentions to affect them more directly, even if they don't know who wants to harm them. Does that make sense?

By the way, this works the other way, too. If you believe something protects you on a spiritual level, it does. (Obviously, when we're talking tangible safety in the physical world, there are a lot of other strong influences creating many currents that will affect you, so common sense comes into play as well.)

Option 1: Take a moment each time you attempt meditation to establish guidelines for what kind of information you're willing to accept, and from what sorts of informants. I suggest you request that the information you receive be true, healing, and filtered by the loving guidance of your spiritual protectors or higher self. That intention will act like an email filter, helping you sort out cosmic spam from real information stored on your "spiritual hard-drive" or transmitted in response to your questions by guides or disincarnate friends.

Option 2: Another version of the filter is to create a vivid vision of a study-space with (choose one) a computer, visiting storytellers, or a library. Or just create an inner room for meditation protected by white light that has been specifically set to only allow your own spirit guides to reach you. Part one of your filter is the structure of the dream-space designed by you for your own emotional comfort and familiarity. The second safety filter is that you designate this internal research space as safe and reserved only for those you trust.

Basically, learn to leave fear at the door when you meditate. You won't hear any information sent as clearly while in the grip of fear, and I can tell you from experience that your own fear will show up in any visions or spiritual interactions if you give it the chance. It's very easy to begin thinking it's an external threat that stalks you, which only creates more fear.

Remember. You own your spiritual space. You can even kick out your own spirit guides and guardians, and they will respect your right to do that (though they never leave you on your own, they will simply step back to a point where you can no longer sense them).

I hope you find answers that help you face and overcome your fears.

I took your advice and let go of my anxieties, made my intentions clear and made my "safe zone." Tried self hypnosis/ meditation as I went to sleep. I had a vivid and weird dream (normal for me) about my present life, but within this dream there was a TV. A commercial played in a loop alternating from black and white to color video. Started in black and white with a close up of a little girl. I thought to myself, that looks like Me in my past life. Then it cut to color, little girl with green eyes, light brown hair and a bright smile. I thought, that is me! Cut to black and white again, and I thought "that could be the same girl as the other commercial." Cut to color again, kept doing so until I realized it was the same girl, and it was me. Near the end it was weird, the color video of the girl smiling came up, then the girl kind of warped/ came apart at the smile.

I don't know if I can trust this or if my preoccupation just created this dream. But I wanted to thank you for the good advice.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

I don't know if I can trust this or if my preoccupation just created this dream. But I wanted to thank you for the good advice.

I'm glad it helped.

In my experience, dreams jump around a lot. So one part of a dream might be rooted in a real experience (past or present) and then your mind will add random imagery to interpret the related emotions or substitute in imagery from a different memory.

It's worth keeping track of what you dream. At the very least you'll begin to understand the emotional themes. When you feel convinced you've glimpsed a past life, I'd write that down as a valid point in your dream journal.

You're the best interpreter possible for your dreams, so long as you're willing to remain self aware and open to new discovery.

 

[tanguerra]

Hi Backlit

Sounds like past life memories to me.

It is much more common than most people think, and absolutely nothing to worry about. However, sometimes past life memories will start coming up to the surface when something triggers them. In your case the song. But, as you say, you have heard the song many times before, what was different this time? Fear about the safety of your kids is a natural and instinctive thing, but is this triggering some past life memory? Could be.

Am I making this up? Am I just overtired and sleep deprived? The longing and anxiety I am feeling is real, but am I creating a fantasy to explain it? I was born in 1976. And all I want to do is go back to the 60's and find what I am missing. Maybe I have been reading to much and creating all of this.

My main concern is, how will I know if any of this is real, and how do I know my childhood (from this life) traumas aren't stirring all of this up inside of me? I would love any thoughts or advice you can offer. I just started reading about past lives online a couple of days ago and just ordered a book to try and learn more.

Quite often there is something going on in the present life that will trigger memories to start coming up to the surface again. It might be you are having a problem that feels familiar, or have met a person you knew before, or are struggling with something that you know the answer to, but it's right on the tip of your tongue but you can't quite get it ... You hesitate to make a decision because something doesn't feel right ... something is ringing an alarm bell somewhere...

Memories are often coming up to help us in times of stress or uncertainty, so it's better to pay attention than to try to ignore them. Especially when, as you say, you have a strong feeling 'in your gut'. That's hard to put down to your imagination. Certainly in my experience, I know that to be true.

Just take your time. Don't try to force it. It will come by itself. It is coming by the sound of things. Note it all down in a journal. Think. Dream. Meditate. Try not to block. It may come in bits and pieces. But it will probably start to make more sense in a while. Don't doubt yourself. Trust your intuition. Go with what feels right.

Keep us posted.

 

[Backlit]

I feel like I will never get any further. But I am still haunted with intense nostalgia, so I will keep trying. Thanks for your thoughts .

 

[tanguerra]

Try writing it in a journal. That often gets the juices flowing. It seems to work better if you do it by hand, rather than typing. Must help the brainwaves. Whatever comes to you, just note it down. Don't worry about making things up. Memories are usually not that far below the surface. Just let it float up by itself. It will. Put some of that music on if you think it would help get you in the mood. Music is often a trigger for memories and emotions.

If you don't know what to write about, try focusing that strong feeling of nostalgia. Where do you feel it? What are you nostalgic about? Why? Just go with the first thing that comes. Write it down and think about it later.

 

[Backlit]

I think it was the beach and my relaxed state of mind that triggered something initially. Now there are a handful of songs I can't even listen to without bawling. I really miss something or someone I have lost, and I haven't lost and do not miss anyone in this life. I have a hunch of who/ what but again, I am not at the point of trusting myself... But I can't get rid of this pit in my core. It is awful.

Thanks for all of your suggestions, I will start writing again.

 

[tanguerra]

There you go. Put on the song that makes you 'bawl' the most. Write about why. It will come. It may not make sense right away, but this is obviously important or it would not be bothering you so much.

 

[Backlit]

I have been trying self hypnosis. Last night I felt extremely uneasy as I got into it, even though I went into it knowing it was safe with no anxiety. Started out as a random itch on my nose and the sole of my foot. Then just an almost crawly feeling deep in my back up my spine, so I stopped and stretched out. My body felt so heavy, like I had lead in my veins.

Went on to have a few vivid dreams as usual... but one symbolically stands out. Walking down a block I didn't quite recognize, there was an older Asian man singing to himself, seemingly mentally ill. I tried walking fast to pass him and get away, there was an odd dangerous ledge that I was afraid I'd fall off from trying to get away. Maybe I'd slip or maybe he'd push me. He kept humming the song (I knew the song) and singing the few words he knew. So instead of trying to escape him, I started to sing with him. His face lit up with glee. Then the whole crowd of people on the sidewalk around us started singing along. By the time we reached the corner, everyone was so happy and hugging the guy I was trying to get away from. The older Asian man was so filled with joy that he wasn't alone and that he was understood.

I can analyze this and see the lesson. I have no idea if the self hypnosis helped pull this one, but I thought it was pretty cool to dream something so random and so unrelated to anything in my life. I am pretty sure the words the guy knew were "Life is beautiful..." The dream tried to fade away pretty fast when I woke, but I held onto it. I am pretty sure it was the Red Hot Chilli Peppers "Life is Beautiful."

Any input is welcome, even if your input is that I am as strange as everyone thinks I am .

 

[tanguerra]

Something is coming up. This is a good sign I think.

The message I would take from a dream like that would be: It's ok to accept your inner 'weirdo'. But, maybe that's just me?

Keep going. I think it's working.