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Getting schizo!

Demi

Demi

Senior Registered
Hi, I wonder, had anyone had this kind of feeling of getting past life shizo? I mean this feeling that one cannot handle a past life. Not even wanting to think about it. Allright, I got a lot on it, but I just feel like "it cannot be true"... My life now is MILES away. I've dedicated my life to world peace!

My closest friends this life are Jewish, and during the war my family were Polish partisan leaders, freedom fighters in Warsaw Uprising, and many other details this life... and besides I feel that I hate what Germany did in WW2, it was so immoral, and crazy. I can understand how someone could get entangled in it, intellectually, sort of... but that does not make an excuse... gosh, wanna forget all about it... There's nothing worse to me than that part of history, I see Germans as "the others" who are impossible to understand!

But sometimes I am getting all the other way around and totally resonating with Germany...recognizing people from there, when I visited it was like major Deja Vu, even knowing the city first time I was there, and knowing some things from another city which were verified, and such a deep feeling I cannot describe... as if I have been there before, and having more from that PL coming up.. and then I go screaming NO no no... because of TONS of memories of the N word... god forbid.. not only being German, but involved in... a lot crummy stuff.. won't go into details at this point, I can tell it's vivid with lots of detail AND feelings, and just the ambience... and verified in terms of research of history sources and personal accounts of whomever was there, which were really rare, but when I read those letters I knew it all already... from personal experience!

Still, it won't click... sometimes I watch movies from that time and feel absolutely nothing, besides "oh no, not that crap again... I've seen it all and I'm too tired of it...!" Like a pair of worn out shoes, which one keeps putting your feet into out of habit, I guess.

Yeah, I understand the Universe/God/whomever is giving me a challenge and I've extracted all the wisdom from it that I could... maybe I just need to move on. But no matter what there's still a war going on inside of me because this is not just going to evaporate, what I have seen in my head. On the other hand, while everyone is convinced of it's accuracy, I am constantly doubting this PL even happened.

Could it be that... if you don't believe in your PL (or perhaps don't want to believe) does it mean it did not happen? I say that because I do not have any dilemmas with any other of my past lives, Egypt or Russia or China etc. Just this one. So maybe it's not true? Maybe it's just from the movies...cover face besides I have been obsessed with WW2 since I was 13... shall we say seriously obsessed with the *most* nasty theme of it.

I met a psychic guy in town one day, the master of a healer I know... I asked him about my PL's and he was pretty good...he saw I did live that life and he gave some details that I did not tell him beforehand... Umm wow. He also said I've been in Poland and Germany a lot of times, switching back and forth (and these two countries do not have a history of being the best friends)... He also said "don't doubt your experiences so much!":rolleyes:
Could it be a lot of these life times now "rubbing" against each other? I wonder.

Demi
 
Sounds like you have a lot of internal conflict going on, Demi. No one can tell you what is the "right" thing to do, only you can decide that for yourself. There are those of us though who can offer guidance as we have been in your shoes and had the same experiences as you. Many of us have come to peace with this and have accepted this as being a natural part of life, and yes, that life was in the past. You can't change the past anymore, but you can choose how you react to it here now in the present. I think it is obviously still bothering you very much. You feel a lot of conflict and are being pulled in two directions: a kinship with Germany and how you feel you should react to those times you lived in. It doesn't help anyone, least of all yourself, to doubt that you had this life. Acceptance is the first part of learning to integrate these past life pains into who you are now. The longer you deny that this happened or try to rationalize that it may not be real, the longer you keep yourself from finding peace and understanding about what happened then.


Feel free to PM me anytime as I would love to talk with you about this.
 
Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming dealing with all this. Just take your time. It will become clearer and calmer after a while. Try not to stress about it too much if you can.
 
Yes, i know what you mean.


I wanted to know everything at first. Now I realise why it comes back gradually so you can cope with it bit by bit, get used to & deal with it, then move on.


It can be hard dealing with some bad bits but in long run I think it's better.
 
Demi, something that has worked for people dealing with painful and confusing memories is to write the experience after they've had the chance to get over the initial shock. Not just the details of the event, but what they've learned from it. How it changes their lives. Any meaning they've found in it. Basically accepting the experience for what it is.


Don't try to make it any more or less than what is inside you. Where there is pain, write the pain. Where you remember having attitudes and thoughts that shock you now ... write them in quotes if you want to distance yourself from them ... but write them too. And then, write out the objections you have to those thoughts and feelings, along with the anger or grief.


If you take a few days and just write (or even record yourself speaking, if that's easier) everything in your head on the topic for a little while each evening, the process can help you let it become a memory. By turning an experience into story, you set anchors in the main points and make it useful for growth, integrated into your life instead of displaced.


For some reason, this really helps the natural healing process. I recommend it.
 
Thanks for the advice, everyone (and I realize that's the kind of advice I usually give others :rolleyes:) but this is how it comes and goes in waves, sometimes full acceptance, and sometimes :eek:. I've actually typed about 50 pages of notes of this PL over the years (and lot of it I did not even write down; it still needs some organizing and having some ??? in it but that's not unusual). There were so many deep discoveries, not only the details of that life from a very personal point of view, but also insights which ended up helping other people... I was mostly touched when a very old Jewish lady told me that my explanation to the Holocaust was the best she had heard her entire life. Others have told me something similar. This is when one feels that what one has been going through possibly has some meaning out there.


The reason why one is getting a certain kind of experiences (or even why someone lived a particular life) might be greater than one is able to see at the moment.


I think my problem mostly occurs when I am looking back at it, having constantly gone through more and more evolution, where the attitudes of that past life become more and more difficult to understand, because I have changed so much in this life (and keep changing) to the extent that any identification with that PL (who is not changing along with me as it already happened) repels me increasingly. By no way I want anyone to think this is how I am now - I believe to be mostly the opposite!


This kind of challenge is probably the number one reason that most people do not remember PL's. So one might consider oneself lucky - after all the Universe believes that I can make something useful out of it, that I am supposed to know, that I ultimately can handle it.


Someone mentioned acceptance and true, it's the attempt to accept a lesser evolved state. On one hand I do feel it's a story worth sharing, because it can put some light on the very one-dimensional picture people tend to have of what happened back then. Even though I by no means would act the same way again, I also think it could happen to everyone under certain circumstances. And those are much deeper than just a political situation etc. - they touch on threads and themes through time which I have researched and seen, and which reincarnation can help put light on, and ultimately promote more understanding between people and promote a more fulfilled and peaceful world.


It might very well be, and it probably is, that my current incarnation had to be among those who were the "opponents" back then. I've heard Brian Weiss speak about just that. One of his clients, a Jewish woman who was very upset with the Arabs killing Jewish kids, had a past life as an SS officer at Dachau. Go figure... ! He said, this IS how it works. Probably so.


I think the best advice someone have given on this board is when one feels it's too much, then just give it a break and focus on my present life - it worked for me and today I feel better.


To someone who asked what schizo means, it means being divided (between two things, or two personalities).


Demi
 
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