Combat/ battle remembrances.

[Kenz1010]

Hey folks,

I haven’t posted in a while, but thought a thread like this may be of use at some point. Either now, or in the long run.

These past few weeks have been a living hell for me because of a ‘merge’. That’s what I like to call it, at least. The past merges into the present and I can’t distinguish the two. Feels like everything happened yesterday, even though it’s been decades and even when it’s a new life. Some recollections are worse than others, most all of them are just day to day combat. My injury is what affects me the most, and what has thrown me for a loop. It’s the not knowing part, not knowing if I was able to be treated or if I died from the wound. & repeatedly reliving it all is not the best feeling in the world, to say the least. The floodgate has opened my friends, and there seems to be no stopping the memories from coming forth. I find myself wanting to be back there, more than I want to be here. That probably doesn’t make any sense, and I can’t explain a logical reason as to why that’s the case.

Anyway, I thought this thread would be a good place for others to share battle/ combat remembrances. Either to get it off your chest, if anyone’s looking for some support, or just to have a place to write them down in general. That’s all fine by me. Doesn’t matter which war, don’t care what battle, can be anything war related. Recently, it seems there’s not many people on this forum dealing with these types of memories. But I hope this thread will be of use to someone at some point, whether that’s now or later. Hopefully sharing the more ‘gruesome’ memories isn’t against forum guidelines, and if so, just let me know.

-Kenz.

 

[KenJ]

Hi Kenz, it would be interesting to discover the reason for the timing of such memories, the triggers or possible intent of another force. Your wanting th 'be back there' seems logical since you are curious in learning what the outcome was, I'd suggest that you let go of that desire as it seems that it is unimportant from 'the other side'. Thanks for starting the thread, it will probably gather posts.

 

[Kenz1010]

Hi Kenz, it would be interesting to discover the reason for the timing of such memories, the triggers or possible intent of another force. Your wanting th 'be back there' seems logical since you are curious in learning what the outcome was, I'd suggest that you let go of that desire as it seems that it is unimportant from 'the other side'. Thanks for starting the thread, it will probably gather posts.

Hi Ken,

I’m curious about the timing of memories and such as well. Personally, I don’t know the reason for my ‘outburst’ of memories these past few weeks, but they just keep coming. Repeated scenes, flashbacks, dreams etc. It’s as if things are spinning out of control, and there’s just no controlling this ‘merge’. I have to let it happen, if and when I try to ‘brush things off’ it all comes back hitting me 10x harder.

It’s not as much wanting to be ‘back there’ to find out my outcome - although the ‘not knowing’ feeling is constantly in my face - it’s just a wanting to be ‘back there’ in general. Back to war. I know that sounds insane, but that’s just the way it is. Even when there’s no way that will happen, the feeling is somehow still there. I have been insanely detached from just about everything and everyone lately, I just can’t relate to anyone. That may be one of the many possible reasons, not relating to anyone here and now. Wanting to be back there, back with the people who understand.

There’s just things you can’t unsee, and I can’t unsee what I’ve done. All I have on my mind is what these memories contain. Death isn’t a fun thing to have in mind, is it? Especially when witnessing a close friend wounded, lying on his back, screaming for dear life, and knowing you just can’t help him. That shouldn’t bring on guilt, should it? But it just does. It’s a helpless feeling, and a sad reality.

That’s why wanting to be back there doesn’t make much sense. But there’s still this part of me that wants it all back, even when it was more than hell.

Anyway, I guess I’ve already started sharing some memories here on this thread.. I just hope others will find it of use, at some point. The intention of this thread isn’t for it to become some ‘pity party’. No matter how depressing these things may sound, it’s just the reality of the situation. There’s no beating around the bush.

 

[Jet]

Have either of you read the book Soul Survivor? It is about a child that is reincarnated from a WW2 pilot who died in battle. Really good read.

 

[Kenz1010]

Have either of you read the book Soul Survivor? It is about a child that is reincarnated from a WW2 pilot who died in battle. Really good read.

Haven’t read the book, but know of his story.

 

[CanSol]

We're nearing the 75th aniversary of many important battles, Overlord, Market Garden, Peleliu (Pacific theatre), Bastogne...
Could be unbeknowst to you now that an important date is coming up, date of getting wounded or killed
Some here can probably remember when I zoned out to WWI near the Vimy Ridge battle date when I was killed, it happens, I don't know why either
I definately get the feeling of being back or wanting back, I have the same thing, I've lived quite a few times and seen many wars but the one that holds the most power over me is WWII, I'm also in the process of collecting a lot of the stuff I had back then (most not original though) and am well on my way with that, don't ask why I want it but I guess it has to do with the blurred lines between past and present and looking like my former self doesn't help things either

 

[landsend]

In three days, we hit the 50 year mark since Terry went MIA in Vietnam, and boy am I feeling it. Have been feeling it since we hit March. What would I do if I wasn't conscious of this date, and it's meaning? Probably think I was going mad, which wouldn't be the first time. Knowledge certainly is power.

A couple of days ago I found this photo on a Vietnam Vet's website.

I teared up looking at it. It was taken in 1968 near Tay Ninh. In that photo, you can just about see Nui Ba Den in the distance. I'm pretty sure we could see that from our base, too. It was a pretty flat area and Nui Bai Den stuck out like a sore thumb.

When I 'dreamt' of the day two men were shot under 'my' command in Tay Ninh '65, I saw vehicles coming to and from the base, and the sheer amount of dust that was produced from the truck wheels. It swirled everywhere. Got everywhere. It was muggy, hot, and it stuck to you, got down your fatigues, in your mouth, in your eyes. You couldn't get clean from the sweat and the dust.

When I see the dust, I panic, and feel like I'm going to die. All hells gonna break loose. I don't remember the firefight that killed the best soldier I ever knew, (and probably ever will know). My job was to keep the base in order. But when he was shot, we had to plan a counter attack or risk our base being run over. I see myself on top of a hill, a vantage point looking down at the track below and some vehicles. Then, it goes black.

Blessed amnesia.

My next memories are of sorrow, sitting at a desk at some unholy hour and wanting to end that life. After all, it should have been me. But a friend 'saved' me. He took advantage of me, really, but I won't express the gory details here. All I say is I was taken back to my most vulnerable days as a young boy of twelve years old, and two men who branded themselves 'Uncles' -- 'George', and 'Jo'. Sons of ... well, the explicative is not allowed I'm sure. But today, as I drove past a Baptist church, I could help but see an 'R' in front of the word 'Baptist'. My conscience is killing me about what happened then. About what they did to me back then, and the self destructive path I put myself on. How I wasted that life! And my past family are still paying for it in pockets of grief.

Uncle George died alone in a gutter outside his house, freezing to death St. Louis. Exposure got him. Jo, cancer got him, it seems. It sickens me. I think of writing to one of the guys in the football team who might remember, but is it ethical? What do I hope to gain from them? Truth? Clarity? Closure? I just want to talk about it, but don't know how.

 

[Kalos]

...The past merges into the present and I can’t distinguish the two. Feels like everything happened yesterday, even though it’s been decades and even when it’s a new life...

...I find myself wanting to be back there, more than I want to be here...
-Kenz.

That, exactly. I know how it feels. I can't help you with the reason it's happening, I wish I knew myself.

 

[Kalos]

Hi Kenz, it would be interesting to discover the reason for the timing of such memories, the triggers or possible intent of another force. Your wanting th 'be back there' seems logical since you are curious in learning what the outcome was, I'd suggest that you let go of that desire as it seems that it is unimportant from 'the other side'. Thanks for starting the thread, it will probably gather posts.

When I first posted in this forum, I asked exactly that question: Why does someone remember, especially why someone does so late in his current life - and that was one of the answers offered, that a "trigger" occurred. I was reluctant to accept that back then as I couldn't pinpoint such a trigger but now I know better. I agree with you KenJ, seems it is a very, very logical explanation (in my case at least).