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Bullies

Obie

Obie

Senior Registered
When I was in Junior High there was a certain group of kids who bullied me. They were pretty awful tho they never were violent.

For some reason one of the girls seemed like she would be a great person to hang out with but she turned out to be one of the biggest bullies of them all. But I was still drawn to her and still wanted to be her friend (when now as an adult I cant wrap my head around it)

Could I have known these bullies in a PL? Could it have been unfinished business that I had to work on with these horrible people? In high school the bullying stopped even tho the same bullies went to school with me.

Was it karmic debt that I was repaying?
 
They were probably part of your "soul group". Many of the kids I went to school with were with me in past lives.
 
The wolf pack mentality that produces bullying is hard to explain. My feeling is that there is not necessarily a PL connection. Not everything we experience has one. Most of the victims are just that, innocent "prey" of other children with not very evolved souls.
 
BriarRose said:
The wolf pack mentality that produces bullying is hard to explain. My feeling is that there is not necessarily a PL connection. Not everything we experience has one. Most of the victims are just that, innocent "prey" of other children with not very evolved souls.
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Seconded. I had to put up with bullies when I was a kid, but I think the way I handled it might not be acceptable today. (It involved force-feeding them my fist.) It's part of childhood and some people never mentally mature enough to outgrow it. Any desire to be friends on your part could probably just be a genuine desire to be friends, maybe an attempt to get at least one of them to look past whatever they see worth bullying.
 
Obie said:
When I was in Junior High there was a certain group of kids who bullied me. They were pretty awful tho they never were violent.
For some reason one of the girls seemed like she would be a great person to hang out with but she turned out to be one of the biggest bullies of them all. But I was still drawn to her and still wanted to be her friend (when now as an adult I cant wrap my head around it)
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I have always wondered this myself. Did you agree with the things that she said or feel that sometimes you may have deserved her treatments?


Personally it has been impossible to access those in my soul-group (I see it more like a braid, different sources but all intertwined...) but if perhaps my aggressors were not directly involved with me in a past time then perhaps they sense the unfinished business of another. Sorry, but I cannot tell!
 
This is one interesting thought indeed! I was bullied on and off for about 6 years during my middle school/high school years.


I KNOW that those years were MAJOR contributors to how I am now. I would be a very different person if they had befriended me instead of harassing me everyday.


I'm very grateful for that experience in all honesty, but I don't think any of them are in my soul group ( at least I hope so! ).


I feel like, when it comes to soul groups you feel a genuine connection with the person, whether it's bad or good, right?


Well, even if they did me dirty, I felt no connection to any of them whatsoever.


That 6 year stage of my life was just a series of challenges that I HAD to go through really, at least that's how I see it.
 
I think bullying is a natural part of growing up; I'm not proud of it, but I'll readily admit I've been on both ends. But wanting to be friends with these particular people may simply be a case of envy. Were they the "cool kids?" Did everyone like them? Did they have certain qualities that you wished you could have had in yourself? Confidence, humor, wit, etc., etc.?


There was also always that "cool" group. They were the popular, wealthy kids who got good grades and all the teachers loved them. Some of them weren't very nice to me, yet I still envied them and desired to be their friend. Makes no sense!


Ah, wouldn't you all just love to go back to those days...cover face
 
Red Night said:
Ah, wouldn't you all just love to go back to those days...cover face
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Of course you realize we all ARE going to go back to those days sooner or later. I was never really bullied except for one time in 7th grade. I found out a few years ago he was two years older and had been held back twice. This was before anyone knew what "learning disabilities" are. I also notice looking back that it was usually the small/short kids or kids who were "different" from everyone else that were picked on. I have also learned that the "bullies" are actually insecure and troubled themselves. I didn't realize that at the time.
 
argonne1918 said:
Of course you realize we all ARE going to go back to those days sooner or later. I was never really bullied except for one time in 7th grade. I found out a few years ago he was two years older and had been held back twice. This was before anyone knew what "learning disabilities" are. I also notice looking back that it was usually the small/short kids or kids who were "different" from everyone else that were picked on. I have also learned that the "bullies" are actually insecure and troubled themselves. I didn't realize that at the time.
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Ugh, don't remind me!


I really wonder know how often bullies really realize just how mean they're being. I'm willing to bet there's a pretty good portion who just think they're being funny. And of course there are those who have many problems themselves, like you said, Argonne.


Or maybe they're just stupid. Once, when I was in the seventh grade this boy asked another student why he "wore the same pants everyday." The poor guy just shrugged with this sad face and walked away. I went up to boy who'd asked thinking he did it on purpose.


"That was really mean!"


"Why, it was just a question..."


"Maybe he can't afford to wear any other pants." He didn't know what to say and I walked off myself.


But of course, there are those people who are mean just to be mean. :/
 
I don't think there's any excuse for bullying, although as Red Night says, some of it might just be insensitivity. Schools seem to have a tendency to blame the victim instead of the perpetrator. As a parent, I just waded in and got it stopped, even if I had to go to the other children directly. Thinking back, that must have been quite shocking! Some people have unkind souls, even as children, and the only way they will learn is if someone calls them on it.
 
I think I would be shocked if any of the bullies I encountered were in my soul group. I'd like to think anyone in my soul group would be a better person than a bully. The people I have encountered throughout my life that I had the feeling might be in my soul group were nicer people than that and usually rather more intelligent too and are often doing their bit to try and make the world a better place.


The one thing that the bullies I've ever encountered seem to have had in common is that the ones I met at school all (without exception) left school at the earliest possible opportunity (bearing in mind I am well into baby boomer age group - so ones without any academic potential DID all leave at that age back then). The ones since then....well...I think the same reasoning applied in their little minds...that of trying to keep me "in my (in their opinion) place" - as otherwise I was at risk of doing better in life than they were capable of. I would say jealousy was what motivated them and, whatever other faults I have (errrm...just a few...ahem....) I don't think jealousy is one of them.


From which, you'll probably gather that I see no reason to forgive bullies and these days am very thankful that I am usually able to steer well clear of people like that (with no longer having to either go to school with them or work with them).
 
I don't think you should be so quick to dismiss people from your soul group; none of us are perfect. You'd probably be surprised at what you and others have been capable of in the past, and are possibly still capable of. In the end we're all souls who can feel happiness, sadness, anger, love, hate, and all the other emotions there are to feel in the world. Every single one of us. I think we should all be a little more open-minded that all of us have a dark side, and all of us have the power to be bad people. But, instead of distancing ourselves from those who choose to do bad, we should try and understand them. Feel pity for them that they feel they need to act a certain way, that they feel what they are doing is right. Victim or perpetrator; in the end we're all in the same boat.
 
Red Night said:
I don't think you should be so quick to dismiss people from your soul group; none of us are perfect. You'd probably be surprised at what you and others have been capable of in the past, and are possibly still capable of. In the end we're all souls who can feel happiness, sadness, anger, love, hate, and all the other emotions there are to feel in the world. Every single one of us. I think we should all be a little more open-minded that all of us have a dark side, and all of us have the power to be bad people. But, instead of distancing ourselves from those who choose to do bad, we should try and understand them. Feel pity for them that they feel they need to act a certain way, that they feel what they are doing is right. Victim or perpetrator; in the end we're all in the same boat.
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Quoted for truth
 
I agree that we all have a dark side, and that no one is perfect. Unfortunately, some people feel freer to express their dark sides. I have sometimes been capable of feeling sympathy for both victim and perpetrator, but I think once we move past the point of committing acts of great evil, we don't regress. The things in this world that do the most harm are often not acts of evil on a large scale, but the small, everyday hurts, slights, and acts of intolerance. They are cumulative and soul-stealing, for both the victim and the perpetrator. That's the effect that bullying has.
 
I'm in no way defending bullying. I know how much it hurts and would never make excuses for it or defend it. Just making sure that's clear. But I still agree with my previous statement.
 
We do have to forgive ourselves, not only for childhood transgressions, but the adult ones. Sometimes, even now, I find the thoughtless acts that I committed as a child even more unforgivable than the adult ones. I think Usetawuz has pointed out that on the other side, we are our own harshest critics, and quite forgiving of everyone else. It's only my opinion, Red Night, but it seems to me that you have moved past any transgressions you remember committing in the past, and are certainly far beyond bullying anyone in this one. By the way, when I was in high school, a girl I was on friendly terms with said that I had been cruel to her in the third grade. I had no memory of the incident she described at all. Since my memory is "selective", maybe I committed atrocities in other incarnations that I can't remember. Ignorance is bliss in this case. I have enough cringe-worthy memories from this life!
 
BriarRose said:
By the way, when I was in high school, a girl I was on friendly terms with said that I had been cruel to her in the third grade. I had no memory of the incident she described at all. Since my memory is "selective", maybe I committed atrocities in other incarnations that I can't remember. Ignorance is bliss in this case. I have enough cringe-worthy memories from this life!
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Maybe she remembered it differently than you did. I think that happens a lot also.
 
I didn't remember anything about it all! I don't remember ever coming in contact with her before junior high. She seemed sincere about what she was telling me, bur who knows?
 
BriarRose said:
I didn't remember anything about it all! I don't remember ever coming in contact with her before junior high. She seemed sincere about what she was telling me, bur who knows?
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Then maybe she confused you with someone else? Third grade to high school is a very long time at that age.LOL
 
I believe it's possible. Perhaps your wanting to befriend them and their bulling you, implies a sense of betrayal on their part?


I've had my own experiences with some people seeking what I think was a PL retribution of some sort... And I know I'm not deluding myself because except for 2 particular people, I've always put up a good fight. Not with them though, for some reason I always lay still and let them kick the stuffing out of me. I never got a reason why, and I honestly think that's because they really didn't know in this lifetime. I believe that they were other soldiers that I'd done something pretty bad to once upon a time, though in which lifetime I'm not sure...
 
I was certainly bullied in the lower grades - I remember one glorious day when three separate and unrelated groups were seemingly trying to kill me (anyone who thinks childhood is fun was never a child). In retrospect that’s a bit of an exaggeration, probably only two of the groups were trying to kill me. One bunch did kill a little girl, years later. By the time I reached my teens my life circumstances changed and things were much better for me. Of course that didn’t guarantee I was always nice to the less fortunate.


The reasons for bullying are too varied and too sad and human for me to bother to attempt to list. Some parents teach their children to bully others, in the belief that it shows that they’ve got a strong and popular kid. I don’t see the rational for thinking that a group who abused me way back when must be my soul group, a group so near and dear to me that they’d give up all other relationships in their lives just to teach me...what?...that money matters? That’s about all I learned from that. (‘Money’ in this case is relative. In my early school days I dressed in rags and hand-me-downs, in my teens I had one pair of jeans for school, but they fit in with what everyone else was wearing.) I don’t have a belief in soul groups anyway because I can’t wrap my brains around the logistics of them, but somewhere in the thousands of other people who’ve had an impact on me, for good or bad, there must be other candidates.


Basically, people who hurt you are nothing special.
 
One of my best friends in high school was the Webster's definition of a nerd. About the same build as Peewee Herman. Pretty much bully bait.


During our morning break the school bully who was about 12 feet tall and 2,000 pounds decided to pick on my friend. Pretty much routine but this time my friend was wearing this really cool suede jacket his grandfather made for him. The bully smashed a cup of pudding on it.


My friend calmly said "you shouldn't have done that" as he was taking it off.


The bully replied with "what are ya gonna do? Cry?"


My friend's response was something like "No, I'm going to make you clean it off." then proceed to totally kick this guys *ss!


Honestly I had never seen anyone beat so severely. He had the bully face down, while sitting on his back & holding the guy by the hair on the back of his head repeatedly bashed his face into the concrete. It hurt just to watch.


The beating lasted for several weeks... maybe months, until a coach pulled my friend off. OK maybe not that long but it seemed like it.


They hauled the almost lifeless body of the ex-bully away in an ambulance. A wee bit much for the school nurse to handle.


When the bully finally came back to school he didn't pick on people anymore.


My friend was quite the hero for a long time. I made it a point to never **** him off after seeing what he could do.
 
The violent bullying has to be the worst & my heart definately goes out to anyone who has to cope with such.


I would doubt any bully starts from nothing so I imagine the lives of these people must be pretty miserable to unleash on innocent people.


I'm not proud to say though as to being on both sides of the fence on this, from being bullied to being one. Yes I did learn the consequences of teenage actions & regret to this day what I thought to be stupid pranks. A good way to learn how to look from another perspective!


I don't know about the US but the Uk is definately becoming a bullying society & it only just dawned on me this was one of my challenges in life, to learn how to live with it & overcome it. From bullying bosses, colleagues, mother in law & mother I've certainly been surrounded.


The realisation for me of learning to deal with is important. Avoidance only works for so long. I think this is a weak part of my soul I have chosen to work on.
 
starrynight said:
The violent bullying has to be the worst & my heart definately goes out to anyone who has to cope with such.
I would doubt any bully starts from nothing so I imagine the lives of these people must be pretty miserable to unleash on innocent people.


I'm not proud to say though as to being on both sides of the fence on this, from being bullied to being one. Yes I did learn the consequences of teenage actions & regret to this day what I thought to be stupid pranks. A good way to learn how to look from another perspective!


I don't know about the US but the Uk is definately becoming a bullying society & it only just dawned on me this was one of my challenges in life, to learn how to live with it & overcome it. From bullying bosses, colleagues, mother in law & mother I've certainly been surrounded.


The realisation for me of learning to deal with is important. Avoidance only works for so long. I think this is a weak part of my soul I have chosen to work on.
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I spent my childhood being the self-appointed class clown so I didn't have the time or energy to spend messing with others. Worst I ever did was assign nicknames... they usually stuck. A teacher gave me mine (that I won't mention) and it endured several years after school. Matter of fact it lasted until after I got out of the service. Ahhh the good ol' days. I'm glad they are over with.
 
Well, all the posters are giving me hope for the human race. It proves that bullies grow up, and often grow out of cruel behavior. If we can come that far in one lifetime, think what a few dozen does for us! By the way, we haven't a single member that I would suspect of having been a bully!
 
A nice thing to comment BriarRose. I am glad I learnt my actions weren't necessary. My husband was bullied at school & says he would have stayed away from me then. may be it was right we didn't meet til we were twenty.


Most bullies are either bullied, lacking in self confidence or both. Doesn't excuse it but a way of looking at breaking the cycle.


It worries me why I chose to be bullied. Either not being able to stick up for myself in a german prison camp or the fact I may have been a bully in a previous life? I hope no the latter.
 
Obie said:
Could I have known these bullies in a PL?
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Possibly, but I don't think that is necessarily true.

Could it have been unfinished business that I had to work on with these horrible people . . . Was it karmic debt that I was repaying?
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I don't think it works that way. You may have come here with some past-life baggage, and in that sense, it might be past-life related. But, in my view, your bully could have been anyone. You may have had at that time, as BriarRose has mentioned somewhere, an invisible "kick me" sign on your back, like The Secret in reverse. But, that was something Earth-plane generated, and not something that was destined to happen.


Bullying comes in many forms. Recently, we saw a Lady everyone calls sweet and kind very kindly and sweetly exclude my daughter from a place where she belongs. A place where she had every right to be, and what's worse, she did it in front of all my daughter's classmates. Prejudice, discrimination, and racism are also forms of bullying, but not every one of these acts can be because of some kind of past-life debt.
 
The parochial high school here gives students one strike on bullying. A second report is immediate expulsion. Schools need to do this to stop bullying.


The other districts here punish both children the same .. the bully and the bullied if the bullied even touches the bully or talks back. No wonder bullying is so out of control.


There was one case that went online and was horrible until the group Anonymous stepped in and offered to out the bullies.


That was a wonderful day for the bullied :D
 
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