and abandonment

[jen]

About 8 months before my daughter was conceived, I had an abortion. I always felt that it was the right thing for me to do at that time, but at the same time, have had in the back of my mind a sort of detached understanding that my daughter was going to come to me no matter what (she tried again since it didn't work the first time). Only recently though have I had this very strong feeling and recognition that my daughter was truly with me in the first pregnancy.
After recognizing the power behind this feeling, I began to see signs of it in our present day lives. She is very attached to me (she's 3), hates when I even leave the room. For most of our days, this is not a problem as we are blessed with the option to be together throughout the day. But if this is infact a fear she has, resulting from being taken from me before, I feel it is something we need to address. She has not said anything to tell me she remembers anything, and I don't want to lead her into something she is not ready for or even something that isn't true. This is something I feel in my heart and I would like to "get to the bottom of it".
Any ideas or suggestions would be very welcome.

In Peace,
Jen

[This message has been edited by jen (edited 07-26-2000).]

 

[DJ]

Jen,

Perhaps her fear of you leaving is not a result from your abortion. It could be from something else such as a past life event.

Peace,
DJ

 

[catseye]

Dear Jen,
From all the things that I have read and studied, more than I care to count. A past life scenario sets up, and THEN is triggered by an experience in this lifetime for the phobia to truly take hold.
So, perhaps in another life your daughter was taken from you, or you left her, and then this sensation of abandonement was merely reinforced by the abortion. We tend to reincarnate with souls to whom we already have a tie. You may have some trouble teaching your little girl to believe that she will not be abandoned this time. I wish you love and luck. She must be one strong little soul to keep coming to you.

 

[jen]

catseye,
are you saying that phobias from past lives would not be apparent unless reinforced in this life?.. or simply triggered? would me walking out of the room be enough to trigger this fear? in my thoughts, her time in the womb was, for her spirit, a complete life.(assuming she was there) she entered, lived, then left. i do not doubt that this fear could be stemming from a completely different life time, but would her short life in the womb not be enough to create this fear?

jen

 

[Moonbeam]

Hi Jen

I've been in your shoes and I know that the pain of abortion goes pretty deep, no matter how well you reconcile it. I'm not passing judgement--- like I said, I have been there and been there again. What I'm saying is that it may be YOUR pain surfacing and that you are projecting it on to her... or she is picking up on your fear and pain and mirroring it back to you. Because believe me, as the mother of 3 and an ex-preschool and kindergarten aide, the behavior you are describing is totally normal! You could be playing right into it without even knowing it, too... I mean, it could be because of the abortion, but it could just be part of being little.

I thought I was over my abortions (yes, in the plural... I had a very hard saying no when I was younger... it seemed every time I had sex I got pregnant... I'm extremely fertile) but I wasn't until fairly recently. I had a dream where the children I would have had appeared to me, all about the same ages they would have been. I recognised them instantly and I just broke down crying. I asked them to forgive me and they said it was ok, that they already had. My feeling after that was that if they NEEDED to be born, they would have.

After that, I got pregnant with my 3rd child... while on birth control! So my husband finally got the big V. I feel that if they REALLY want to be born, they will find a way. By the way, I stay home with mine, too, and it is a wonderful gift for them and for yourself.

------------------
Be Blessed

Moonbeam

[This message has been edited by Moonbeam (edited 07-28-2000).]

 

[jen]

thanks all.

and moonbeam, thank you. you have shed a new light on it for me. a new avenue to explore. thank you for sharing.

in hope and peace
jen

 

[Shariad]

Jen,

I too know where you're coming from. I also agree with Moonbeam that if your little girl needed to be born the first time she would have been. When I was pregnant the 1st time I asked the soul if it could come back when I was ready. I felt the answer was yes. I spent quite a bit of time feeling selfish and guilty and like the worst person in the world for what I did. I really don't know if my son is that same soul, but he is also very clingy with me. I'm also a stay at home mom and I'm still nursing him at 20 months! I think that it's perfectly normal for a young child (and even older ones) to be very attached to their moms. I've worked with children most of my life and see this as a very normal occurrance. Each child has a unique personality, and some just want their mommies around 24/7.

I talked to my minister about this and she said that there are many religions that believe the soul doesn't even enter the body until it's time to be born. That really makes sense to me and helps me to understand that the soul of that child was probably still somewhere in the spirit world at the time of the abortion. Also, a soul might decide to be the one aborted because(for what ever reason) the mother needs to go through the abortion process.

Your daughter may be dealing with abandonment issues, but I think that since you are continually here for her now they will disolve. Enjoy the attachment phase now because before you know it she'll be too big to sit on your lap

good luck and peace,

Shariad